Uncovering Mello
by Pen-to-Page
Summary: This story does not involve the Kira case. Mello is always the subject of locker room chatter. Probably because no-one really knows him. Matt is curious to know what his best friend has seen and been through, but will he ever get to know? M
1. Chapter 1

It was all locker chatter. Stuff to fill the void in conversations. And you'd think that geniuses would have better things to talk about. But no they all have to sit around here and talk about Mello's sexual orientation. I didn't bother to get involved, because I knew he wouldn't have cared, he'd punch them in the face then laugh it off. It's strange, because Mello always seems to be the topic of interest. Whether it's because he's lucky that he's got his dad alive or because he beat Near up, or now apparently if he was gay, people just liked to talk about Mello. It's probably because no one really knew anything about him. I like to think that I have some sort of great knowledge of that crazy blonde chocoholic, but in reality I know only as much as everyone here. Okay that's almost a lie. I know something that no one else does. I remember when I first met caring Mello.

It was five years ago, wow that long? Well anyways it was five years ago, we were twelve. Mello brought up a question.

"Matty, why don't you try in school?"

I knew I couldn't lie to him, so why even try. "I stopped caring after mum died. I liked to make her smile." Then came the inevitable question.

"How did she die Matt?" He walked over, and I'm glad I decided to make eye contact with him, because in that moment I saw something in his ice blue eyes that I had never seen before. He genuinely cared. His blue eyes held sympathy and warmth, when they normally sent out messages to run. I ended up telling him everything. How my dad used to hit my mom. That we were going to get out, but then dad came home early and stabbed her, then himself. I was two. He held me the whole time and I didn't notice at the time but I was shaking.

"I'm sorry Matty, I really am." Then he did another unexpected thing. He got on his knees and clasped his hands together and started praying.

"Hey god, it's me again. I just heard a story from a friend. Please look after his mom up there, I know that's where she is. And keep an eye out on him too. Just please continue to bless."

It made me feel all warm inside, knowing he cared that much. That was also the day that I stopped creating scenarios of his past life. I asked him why he was here. He said.

"Don't all you boys know everything? My dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease and drove me here so I wouldn't have to see him die. That WAS the latest one, correct?" I could sense he was bitter when he said it. It was wrong, everyone including me decided that's what happened. It wasn't fair. "Besides Matt we're talking about you right now, not me"

I gave up. Not wanting to push any buttons. Because you know Mello is quite vicious.

So yeah I suppose I do know more than the people here. I know that Mello can actually give a shit about somebody, and lord only knows why that person is me. That day I started liking him. And I found his mysterious bad boy attitude less annoying and more sexy, I felt more curious, I wanted and still want to know what makes Mello tick. I really do hope that he is gay. But I would never say so here. The boys in my gym class don't tease Mello because they know that it's a sure fire way to lose a life. But me on the other hand, well no one even really knows who I am, except Mello, and I guess I kind of like it that way. But anyways point is, they're not scared of me. The bell just went, and I suppose I'm going to rush back to my shared room with Mello and pretend I got let out of gym early, when really I just want to see him sooner.

Coming in to see my half naked roommate working out was a mistake. There he was, abs crunching, biceps rolling. Damn. And he doesn't look muscular when he was walking around, he is thin but toned. It's November now and I don't want to say goodbye to him in a month. All kids get kicked out when they're 18, and its Mello's 18th birthday in early December. I turn 18 a few months after, but I still don't want to wait. I'm falling in love with him more and more each day. He drives me mad. He does. I want to unlock the mystery that is Mello. Too bad Wammy's doesn't have a course for that. Though I suppose one of the things we do take should help with it. If I knew where he was from I could find out. But Mello hasn't even told me that, which if you ask me is lame. Most people here at Least know who is from where, if not why they're here. But Mello won't say anything, like I said earlier, that's probably why everyone talks about him. Maybe if I asked him now? I mean his workout time IS his chill time. Oh never mind. He just broke the punching bag. That hardly ever happens. Got to go see what's wrong.

"Hey man, what's up." It's really hard to not just grab him in a hug, especiallt because now I see he's tearing up. Wait no, there's more. One half of his face looks like it was bludgeoned. I don't know how I didn't see it when I came in. Probably because I was checking out his abs. I feel bad for whoever did that to him. Because that sorry fellow had it coming.

"Nothing Matt, it's nothing" He hits the bag again and this time it flies back and hits me in the face. "Shit Matt, didn't mean to do that." He walks straight over to me and looks me in the eyes. "You okay Matt? I punched that pretty hard" Then he rested a hand to my face. The next words I tried to say were stuttered.

"I-I'm f-fine" I held back telling him I love him, something that gets harder each time I see him. "You okay though?" I indicate his bruises.

He shrugs, "Yeah I'm fine, you know me always the badass." He goes back to lifting weights. Because I'm hungry I go to the cupboards. Knowing Mello they were probably already empty, he eats a lot. Now that they're open I'm astounded that they're stocked, even chocolate. This is weird. It's been like this for three days now.

"Hey Mells, you not eating?"

"Not hungry" he grunts from underneath his weights.

"All week you haven't been?" I'm worried now. "C'mon Mells. Here." I toss him a chocolate bar. He unwraps it and eats it quickly. He smiles at me.

"I guess you're right, thanks Matt."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: This chapter is short and consists of the first jump in time, though the jump is only to a few days later it is still marked by the solid line, as will all time jumps. **

He's been eating normally nor for a while, I'm so happy, I was worried that maybe he was starving himself. Correction, I was worried because he WAS starving himself. I wonder if whoever gave him those bruises was trying to talk some sense into him. If so I give them props, but just wish they'd have done it in a way that didn't hurt him.  
_

I think I'm one step closer to solving Mello. But who really knows? I know one more thing though. I have confirmed that Mello is gay. YES! I know right, I was so needing him to be gay, and now he is. I also learned another thing. This one isn't as jump up and down. But I learned that Mello can be the victim. I didn't know he could actually get hurt. But he can. Actually that's how I found out about him being gay. Those bruises he had on his face, were from his ex-boyfriend. Apparently the guy was a real ass, told him he was fat (so that's why he wasn't eating) and then hit him. I'm glad he left, but it's weird seeing him so hurt. It just doesn't make sense. Anyways I got to find this guy for beating up Mello and breaking his apparently delicate heart.

Still haven't found the guy who hit Mello. It makes me sick to know someone did that to him. How could anyone even try, I'm not just saying that because Mello is beautiful, inside and out, I'm saying that because who would actually try and hurt him? He is so badass. I remember when he first came and beat up a kid twice his age. The kid who always stole my goggles and threatened to steal my video games, some guy I never even see anymore. Yeah, on his first day here Mello just walked over to him after he had stolen my goggles, and punched him right in the face. He returned my goggles after. We then became friends.


	3. Chapter 3

So, Mello is turning 18 soon. Its late October and I feel as though my days with him here at Wammy's are beginning to count down. I hope we still see each other after Wammy's, but I don't see why we wouldn't. I mean I'm the only friend he's got, and vice versa. Anyways, I'm thinking I'm gonna get that sexy bitch something really great for his eighteenth birthday. I wish I could give him a good ass fucking, but I have a feeling that would cross a few lines. Wow, why am I so horny right now.

Anyways I even have the best idea of what to get him. I'm going to get him into first place. I really think that Mello is the smartest person here. I've been friends with him since he first came here, and he's fucking brilliant.

I do actually have proof of this, L and BB used to dote on him for being so smart, but stopped after he hit Near on the first postings day. Well BB still does kind of dote on him. He and BB get along. Probably because Mello found out about BB's eyes just by looking at them once, then L changed his whole theory just because Mello deduced it. Oh yeah this was when Mello was three. So when Mello was three he made the super genius double think a theory just because he thought otherwise. Also at age three he could fluently speak four languages, all self-taught. Scary right. He can teach himself how to do anything. He taught himself piano when we were five, in three days he mastered it.

So yeah, brilliant. So why then is he always second. I think it's because he puts too much pressure on himself and studies too much. I mean as soon as we learn concepts in class he can apply them to real life situations immediately. Then after class he studies so much that he ends up with a lesser understanding of them, but is convinced he's learned more. I think all I have to do is to get him to stop studying, I mean that's simple enough, right? Heh, heh, oh god. I think he might kill me even if I mention it. If I maybe dare him to? I mean if he does worse its not like he'll ever know, results don't go up till the fifteenth of the month after then were taken. So November's results will be up on December 15th Mello will be gone by then. Maybe he'd be up for a trade. I mean I'm not sure, if this doesn't go the way I think, I could get killed, but I'm certain. Shit, he's coming in, I'll ask him now. I turn to look at him. He looks chilled, calm, that's a first, and I am planning to take full advantage of that now.

Oh my god, he just said yes! And I only got hit once! The only thing is I have to study while he doesn't. This should be one exciting month. Mello just came back from the band room and is now casually teaching himself violin. I wonder how many instruments he will have mastered by the end of the month.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: This is all happening while Mello can't study...just yeah... please feel free to reveiw, I'm open to suggestions.**

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Newspaper tucked under my arm, carrying a box full of chocolate. The things I do for that son of a bitch who happens to be my only friend. I normally don't read the newspaper, but I do read the comics once Mello's done with the articles. I think I might actually read this one though. Cover story is something really sick, I want to just make sure that bastard is getting treated as bad as possible. Oh yeah, the headline is "Grade three teacher arrested for molesting an eight year old boy". Stories like that make me want to throw up. I feel ashamed that I'm even human.

I try and remember me and Mello when we were eight. I was really happy all the time, and as innocent as I could be considering my past. I loved playing Mario on my DS, and stealing chocolate from the kitchen with Mello. Mello, he wasn't as happy, in fact he was really angry all the time. Was that the year he ran away? I think it was, or maybe that was when he was nine, no he was definitely eight, because he hated our teacher, he always came back to our room after extra help on the verge of tears saying how much he hated him. I tried to ask him why but he always just stopped talking after sadly mumbling "Mr. Kingsmith…" he never finished talking after that, but I knew he was just upset because Mr. Kingsmith was helping him and still placing Near higher. Wow, now that I think about it, Mello had a really weird year when he was eight I remember he fell from second to third and then to fifth.

Entering our suite now I see that Mello already has a copy of today's paper. I suppose we could read it together, talk about how disturbing it was, made sense, I liked that plan. I never like reading these things alone, they can kind of scare me. Unintentionally I sit right next to him, our shoulders brush and I start reading, I notice he still hasn't opened it, he just staring at the news, scared to read it, it would seem. I guess even Mello the hard ass has a soft(ish?) spot. I stretch out my hand to lift his head so that his face is near mine, I give him a half smile, not sure why he's so very disturbed, but comforting him none the less. He just gives me some sort of look that I don't understand and leaves to go to his room. I guess he doesn't want to talk about it. Okay, let's see how much this bastard is getting in prison, whatever it is, it's not long enough, he maybe deserves to be killed, but I mean I guess no one really deserves to die. I can't read anymore, it's just talking about what he did and I'm already sick. I go to knock on Mello's door, and before my fist hits the wood I can I hear sniffing, and a little bit of sobbing. Is he crying? I've never seen him cry before. Probably against my better judgement I open the door, and he's huddled up under his covers and I can tell he really is crying. I walk over and sit next to him. I put my arm around him and lay down. I like the way I feel when I hold him, and when he holds me. He gives me a shove and I fall to the floor. I look up at him, shocked that he did so.

"Matt go the fuck away."

I listen, I go into my room, sit down and play my DS. Its 10:00pm now and since I'm feeling tiered I put away my DS, and think about falling asleep.

Suddenly I'm two years old again. I'm in the family room of my old house and my mom comes up to me and tells me that we're leaving daddy. I'm running up to my room and throw all my stuff in a bag and run downstairs again. Mommy holds me and tells me I'm a good boy. But then daddy comes in the house, mommy tells me to go play in my room, but then I ask her why we aren't leaving now. I then know I shouldn't have said anything because I can tell daddy had been drinking. He comes over and hits my mommy who tells me to go to my room. I tell daddy that he can't hit mommy, so he shoves me to the ground and I cry. He gets mad at me and mommy and then starts yelling bad words. He grabs a knife and hold it to my mommy, who again tells me to go to my room, this time though she says to call 911. She says it so only I can hear. I run upstairs like she told me, and I call 911. The lady on the other end of the phone tells me that someone is on the way. I run downstairs to tell my mom but she's lying down on the floor and there's red liquid everywhere, I look at my daddy, who sticks the already bloody knife into his throat and falls down next to mommy. I hug her and tell her I love her before the police men come and take me away.

Mello is shaking me and I wake up to find that he's holding a wet towel to my forehead and holding me in my bed. I must have had another nightmare, because that's the only time he ever enters my room. I end up screaming and sweating when I have nightmares like that, and this time I wake up crying too. Normally I don't care. Normally I can tell myself it's in the past. But it feels like I just re-lived it, and now I'm a mess. I let myself totally break down. Mello's seen me cry a lot, but not for about six years now. I hide my face in his chest and let the tears fall out of me, I make no effort to stop them, Mello sooths my hair and wraps his arms around me, letting me cry.

"It's okay Mattie, you're okay now. Your mommy is in heaven with Jesus and she's smiling down at you. I know it doesn't seem like she's here but she is."

I nod into his chest and try to speak. "I just get scared that people are going to die for me or because of me and"- I stop being able to talk because the sobbing takes over my throat. Mello hushes me and continues to soothe my hair. I start drifting off, and I feel safe now that Mello is here.

When I wake up he's still holding me, he's awake because Mello doesn't sleep much. The day is spent in a jumble of listening to him master saxophone, guitar and teach himself semi-fluent mandarin while reading and studying several of the textbooks from each class I take.


	5. Chapter 5

Today the IQ results came out from last month. Mello was in second again, and I was in third. Near has a black eye, and Mello has detention. I could not study and play my DS, I mean he's not here to see, but then again I would know and for a change I don't want to cheat on a deal we have. He should be back soon, then I can at least talk to someone while I'm studying. Oh speak of the devil, he just came in. He looks like he could kill a person, and I'm pretty sure he would kill Near. Or maybe he wouldn't. He sits down in the couch and starts to study. I tear the book from his hands, then the next thing I know he's on top of me yelling in my face.

"I need to study Matt. I need to beat Near. I do!" I keep trying to hold the book away from him but he punches me in the arm really hard.

"Fine then! Go ahead, back out of your dare, and your word." He stops for a second and looks down at me. He's still on top of me and his hair is now falling down and the tips are brushing my face. He gets his face real close to mine, and stares into my eyes. I stare back noticing the icy blue eyes that seemed to be filling with disappointment and a little bit of guilt. He looks like he's going to bite my nose off, but then he sits up and gets off of me.

"Whatever Matt." He drops the book and goes over to his desk where he mutters "Always fucking second. Never going to be enough. Always fucking second." He repeats this until it starts getting creepy, then he stops and starts to eat some chocolate.

"You're not second Mells. You fucking taught yourself how to play and master piano when we were five years old." He pretended not to hear. I'm starting to feel more and more worried about my plan. I mean I'm 95% sure I'm right, and I'm now stressing the 5%.

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**Sorry that the chapters are so random in length. Please reveiw. **


	6. Chapter 6

Shit. Postings go up tomorrow, and Mello will still be here. Some kid came running around telling everyone. Everyone except Mello, who is in the city today with BB. I'm freaking out because I could very well be killed tomorrow. My plan is somewhat simple. I'm going to be the first to -see that list. If Mello is neither first nor second I will run. Simple and lifesaving.

Okay I'm outside in the courtyard now; I made sure Mello was still asleep before I left. Its five am now and the list is definitely up. I walk over to it, I'm terrified. As I approach it I spend time to think about where I will run and how long I need to be gone to be safe. Of course, I've already done this before coming out here, but it's just a precaution. I see now that I'm in second, and my IQ has apparently gone up. Cool, I won't repeat the month but cool I guess. My eyes dart to the first place where I am pleased and maybe a little too happy that Mello is there. I feel absolutely great! I found a plan that made him first. Now noticing his IQ number I feel like I'm going to fall over. Mello has an IQ of 290, mine is 260, and Near's is apparently only 255. I wonder what L's is. Probably something ridiculously high. Wait, I totally forgot they always post L's IQ so that kids can compare, it's 275. Wow I'm almost as smart as L. and Mello is….Mello is smarter than L? It makes no sense to me in my mind, but I know Mello will be happy.  
_

Mello totally flipped out! It was funny and kind of cute to watch. Also, because he's eighteen soon, he's allowed the entire day off, and he made Roger let me come. We are now sitting at a little café, just talking.

"Matt. I'm gonna miss you just the tinyest bit when I'm all on my own." I laugh even though I feel a little hurt that he won't fully miss me, like I him. I'm about to say something witty when he starts talking again. "Seriously though, I'm going to miss you." He then gives a sad look in his beautiful eyes.

"It's only until February" I tell him, hoping that he too has plans to stay friends with me.

"Yeah, I guess, I'll miss you till then though." I blush a little.

"I'll miss you too man"

Mello left. I'd like to lie and say that I didn't think about crying but as it is, I did think about it. I almost did actually. The suite seems empty now, there isn't anyone in his room, and no one to chastise me for not eating breakfast, or to yell at me for playing video games, or whatever. I'm lonely, he was really my only friend, I'm glad it's only until I turn 18.


	7. Chapter 7

L said I could visit Mello today! It's early January, and I miss him like mad. Mello said he'd be here to pick me up at ten and because it's a Saturday I don't have to be home until 1 in the morning! God, I can't wait to see him, I'm getting ready with so much excitement! Now that I see the time I notice its nine fifty, I should head to the parking lot to wait for him there. It seems like I haven't seen him in ages, it's only been a few weeks but we've been in the same room since we were 3. He's been my friend for so long, and I don't really get along with other people, I have no friends. Okay that's a lie. I made one friend in these last few weeks, some new girl, she's a year younger than me we game together and talk about our lives, her dad killed her mom too, we have shit in common. I don't know much about girls but Rain hardly counts as a girl. Oh yeah, her codename is Rain, her real name is Cassidy though. Anyways, she's a good friend. Good at video games and a little bit aggressive like Mello. But I don't think of her like a girlfriend because I am still in love with Mello. It's weird I know more about Rain than I do about Mello, and I've known him for 15 years. A Ferrari just pulled up next to me and who should step out but Mello, wearing all leather. His stomach was showing and his leather pants were squeezing every inch of his lower body. I gulped, I was not expecting this, he looks different but his face is the same. I try and find some normal thing about him and for the first time I am truly thankful for the rosary that hangs around his neck.

"Hop in Mattie. Isn't she hot?" Mello says to me indicating his car.

"Mm-hmm" I say in response, not looking at his car at all.

Now we're driving into his driveway. I can't see his house yet but he assures me its huge. Listening to my favourite song, which is uncharacteristic of Mello to let me listen to my music and not his brooding emo scream rock punk shit. Okay, now I see his house. It's fucking huge! It's three stories high and each floor looks to be square feet. It's grey brick and it borders on the mountains. My mouth drops.

"How did you..?"

"L paid me for helping Eraldo Coil solve a case. The house is BB's, he gave it to me."

"Wow." I'm still relatively speechless. It's beautiful. I mean it really is.

"Come on, let's go out back to the lake" He leads me onto a trail that winds through the green hills, and eventually we see a small cabin. Its wooden and old-style but again beautiful.

"It's the lake house." Mello explains leading me to the shore of the lake by the hand. I blush a little bit at the connection between us. He hops onto a little row boat and he paddles me out into the lake. He left his shirt on the shore but he still has his rosary and his abs are crunching as he steers us further away. He starts rocking the boat; we get dangerously close to tipping more than once. Then we splash into the water. I surface and get ready to splash Mello. He comes back up and I splash him. He laughs and I giggle, it scares me a little that I giggle, but not too much. We start having a splash war, which Mello wins. He starts freaking out now.

"Hey what's wrong?"

"My rosary, it fell off in the water. Shit Matt." He takes a deep breath and plunges back into the water, I wonder if I should follow him, and my question is answered when he surfaces again.

"Fuck I can't see it. Help me look." I take a breath and dive into the water with him.

We've taken three dives and I think we should stop. Mello looks like he's going to fall over in the water. He takes another deep breath and is ready to dive in. I stick out my hand and keep him surfaced.

"C'mon Mells, lets head back, it's going to rain soon anyways. He shakes my hand off.

"No I have to find it!" He takes a breath again and tries to plunge once more, but again I stop him. There is a loud bang of thunder, we have to get out before the lightning hits.

"Mello, we have to get out, come on." This time I actually hop into the boat first and then pull him out.

Now on the boat Mello is sitting with his head on his knees and I am forced to paddle. I don't care much, but I just wonder why he's so upset by it.

"Hey Mells, why's it so special, can't you get a new one?" He punches me in the stomach, I guess that really was a stupid question. I see now that he is openly crying, allowing tears to fall out of his eyes.

"Why the fuck does it matter? I want it back I lost it okay! It was my mom's!" He shuts up right then and starts crying again. His mother's? I think that's the most he's ever said about his past, I want to know more now. What happened to his mother, did she give it to him or was it left in her will. Did he love his mother? Did he love his father? Did he have siblings? Does he know why he was brought here? I suppose I could just ask him.

"Your mom? What happened to her?" Mello just stayed quiet. He didn't answer. "Mello, please, I want to know what happened to you, how you got here I want to kn"- he cuts me off, yelling at me.

"You could have asked Matt! For 5 years I would have told you everything, hell even six years, I would tell you everything if you asked. But you didn't give a damn of anything I would say because you were too fucking busy thinking of what else might have happened! I don't know now if I ever want to tell you! Because you obviously were much happier making your own conclusions." He looks down and signals to me that the conversation is now over. Needless to say I feel like shit. I'm ashamed of myself for it. I wish I asked him, he says I could have until we were nine, and I never did. Now I might never.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: I'm debating doing a chapter as Mello, reflecting on the past so that you all get to find out before Matt does, but It's also kinda fun to learn at the same time Matt does, let me know what you think.**

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I guess one could say my visit with Mello didn't go well.

I'm thinking back now to a time when I was a lot younger, and I guess I said some things that I really shouldn't have. Mello was my only friend, and though I wanted more friends I had no way of getting them, the only reason Mello and I talked ever was because he's my roommate otherwise I would have been too shy.

And then it came to discussion one day. I think it was some kid named Ashton, he started sharing his theory of Mello's past, and I tuned into their conversations. Then he came over and asked if I knew anything, because I was his roommate right? So I was stuck there for a while, he started calling me buddy, and I guess I fell into the fact that someone other than Mello was offering me a friendship and all I had to do was say something. I said I didn't really know, but that his dad drove him here and then he was a Wammy kid. I didn't think much of that information when I said it, because I thought people knew by then, but that little bit of Mello's past became a giant ball of rumors by the end of the week. Mello's dad had cancer and didn't want the kid to see him die. Mello's dad was in the military and was going overseas and put him here for temporary safe keeping. People started telling him, I'm sorry about your dad's cancer. Or, So your dad is going to come back for you? Every time he asked what they meant, they'd say that I told them about him being driven here. One boy even went as far as calling him a wimp for being sad over nothing, another boy said that he doesn't belong in an orphanage. Those boys went to the infirmary and Mello wouldn't talk to me for a few days.

I shake my head off of it and try and drown out my thoughts by playing Super Mario Bro's on the Wii in the rec room with Rain. I keep dying, which is a sure sign that I'm thinking of something. She notices.

"Matt, what's up? You keep letting Mario run off a cliff" She looks over at me with a look that is half concerned and half joking.

"Just what I keep telling you about Mello. I was kind of a jerk about it when we were six. I feel bad but I was just a kid right?"

"Exactly, and he shouldn't still be mad with you over it." She places a comforting hand on my shoulder. I think I will talk it out with Mello afterwards. Maybe if I try and explain it he'll come around? I won't blame him if he doesn't though. But after so long…I'm about to call him when I receive a text. It's from him.

"Matt, sorry about that today, I flipped out. You pissed me off, but it was so long ago now. I don't blame you for telling them what you did. Okay, I don't blame you all the time. Anyways, sorry I yelled. Mells"

Okay, well I guess he doesn't hate me anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: Sorry this chapter is short and ends with a cliffhanger. But I kind of like it that way.**

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I am out of here! Goodbye Wammy's! thanks for being my home for 16 years I guess. It's cold out, but not too cold, its brisk and dry and just the perfect temperature for the clothes I'm wearing. Even better part about ditching the old place is that Mello wants to be rommates again. I thought that after his outburst I'd have to find my own shitty apartment and get by on Ramen. But NOPE. I get to live with Multi-Milionaire Mello! Who happens to also be the sexiest man alive and my best friend. Mello comes to get me and now in his car I notice that he hasn't yet replaced his rosary.

"Haven't gotten a new one yet?" I ask wondering why he hasn't.

I can't buy myself a rosary, it doesn't work like that. It's given often but not always as an apology to someone you care about, and seek forgiveness from, then as long as they have it you and god are looking out for them." I wonder if Mello's mother gave him the rosary as an apology for her death.

"Mello, why did your mom give you the rosary?" I asked him. His only response was a cold, emotionless

"She didn't it just belonged to her" Oh, okay I guess. Maybe his dad gave it to him when he left him at Wammy's?

"Who gave it to you then? And why?" I say looking at Mello with my goggles down, simply because he likes to see my eyes.

"My older brother." He says without a hint of emotion in his voice or face, luckily he and I are making eye contact, and I can see that he's broken about it.

"What did he have to apologize for?" I ask hoping now for some form of answer.

"Leaving me with dad".


	10. Chapter 10

I'm in my room now at Mello's place, it's across the hall from his. I don't intend on sleeping tonight, he made the room special so I could have my gaming. There is one of every gaming platform in the room, each with 4 controllers and all the games for it. It was really sweet of him. Also I wouldn't be able to sleep, even if I wanted to. Mello refused to say anything after 'Leaving me with dad' and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Why was it bad to be left alone with his dad? Was his dad sick and unable to take care of him. Or was his dad cold and uncaring. Maybe his father was abusive, but I tried not to think like that as it made me hurt inside. If he was how could I have said what I said and thought what I thought, not just me but me and the other three boys who became my 'friends' when we were five. How could we have just made up our own theories and let people think that Mello was just a wimp. I feel ashamed of myself and there are few things that might help.

One of these things is a good ol' late night snack. In the kitchen now I search the cupboards trying to find any food other than chocolate. I find a bag of cheezies that Mello must have bought just for me. I pour them into a bowl when I hear a few small, quiet screams and moans coming from Mello's room. I start walking in the way of his room, to see what's up when I hear a thud. Now I hear Mello cursing, I guess he fell off of his bed. He's out in the hallway now. It seems he is also headed for the kitchen. I head back there before he can see I was going to check on him. He enters the kitchen shortly after I have and frantically searches for an ice pack which he holds to his right hand.

"Hey Mells, everything okay?" he jumps, startled by my voice.

"Y-yeah, bad dream is all" He runs his fingers through his golden hair and sits next to me. He unwraps a chocolate bar and starts eating.

"Well what about?"

"Nothing Matt, just stuff"

Then I bring it up. I get up all I have and I just flat out ask "Mells how come you never tell me about yourself?"

"Listen Matt, the one time I told you anything you went and told someone, and they told someone, and so on and so forth. Then you became obsessed with your own theories. If you wanted to know you could have asked me."

"Mells I'm sorry okay. Ashton was around, calling me buddy, I wanted a new friend and I thought if I said it I would get one. And I did. I didn't know that you only told me. I thought everyone knew."

"I get it okay? Your only friend was me, and I was and still am a son of a bitch that has anger management issues. So what, you thought you'd let everyone know what I told you?"

"Listen man I'm sorry."

"I'm not asking you to be sorry Matt, I don't want you to be sorry. I just want you to make it up, or show me that I could tell you. And then three years after that all you did was jump the gun again when we were eight."

He's right, he's totally right. And I don't know how I can get him to forgive me, or if he ever will.

I'm driving myself mad now. Maybe if I show him he can trust me he will tell me, maybe he'll forgive me if I show him that I'm sorry. I'm thinking over and over through the course of the day, of the month, of the year, of every day since he's been my best friend. Today sticks out. It's the first time I've seen him without his rosary and he explained why. "I can't buy myself a rosary, it doesn't work like that. It's given often but not always as an apology to someone you care about, and seek forgiveness from, then as long as they have it you and god are looking out for them." I could buy him a rosary. I mean I care about him and I want him 'looked after' also, hey, apology gift. Seems like it's the perfect plan.


	11. Chapter 11

I picked out his rosary. It has red beads that hang on a black chain which also holds a silver cross. It wasn't cheap. By any stretch of the imagination, but I suppose I under-estimated how much inheritance money I have from my filthy rich dad. My biggest concern now is that Mello might be offended because he knows I don't believe in god. I don't think he'll mind too much. It's his favourite colours, red and black, and it's going to mean I'm always looking out for him. Maybe he will forgive me afterwards, but I don't know. I knock on his door and I hear a mumble that sounds vaguely like a 'yes' so I open the door and enter his room. He's reading the newspaper, as he always does when it's ten in the morning. I walk over and sit down on the bed. He sits up and looks at me, smiling. It makes me smile in return. He notices the box and tilts his head.

"Whatcha got there?" He asks taking an interest in the jewelry box I have on the bed.

"It's uh for you actually." I say, growing redder by the second. I feel my breath start to speed up, I really wish I wasn't so shy about everything, and especially not this, this is just stupid.

He can tell I'm a little too shy to give the box to him, so he takes it from where it is and opens it. He gasps as soon as the lid of the box is opened. I start freaking out.

"I-if it's the wrong colours I can take it back, o-or if you don't want it then I also cou"-

"Shut up Matt it's beautiful." He says sliding it around his neck. I let out a huge heavy sigh, letting my emotions from only seconds ago drain out.

"I'm glad you like it, Mells. I didn't know if you would or not."

"Of course I like it Matt. Thanks." He leans in and kisses me on the cheek, which makes me blush instantly. He draws back again, his face no different from what it was a while ago, so I assume he doesn't think anything of it.

"So what are you sorry for? Or is it just because?" He asks me sounding interested.

"Uhm, well, I'm sorry about fucking up when we were five, then again when we were eight. It was wrong."

"Forget about it. It's done. I've sorted it out in my own mind. I'm okay with it now. It hurt back then, but I'm over it now. No reason stressing over what's done I guess." He smirks. "But just for payback…" He punches me really hard in the arm, I rub the place he hit, it's definitely going to bruise. "There, we're even now" He smiles at me.

"Okay man, but I am sorry, I wish you could trust me again with your secrets." His smile fades instantly. "And the last thing you told me is driving me crazy I want to know, I do . They're your secrets, I guess you don't have to tell me, and I get why you never did."

"Matt…it's not that I don't trust you, that stopped being a reason. It's more because I want to get over it. I've been trying so hard to forget about it."

"and how's that working out for you?"

"R-really well, actually." He says over defensively, obviously lying.

"Mell come on, you can't lie to me." I reach out a hand and place it on his shoulder. I know he probably won't, but I hope he does admit that he's not over it.

"I'm not lying. I mean it. I'm doing fine with it." He explains, shoving me off of him.

"Mells come on. I can tell your lying, just own up to it."

"Fine okay? I'm not doing great I've been having fucking nightmares and they haven't gone away. I feel like shit everyday because of it and I hate thinking about it. Is that what you wanted me to fucking say? That I'm not okay?"

And now even though I'm in his room, he pushes past me and heads to the kitchen, where he grabs the keys to his motorcycle.

"I'm going for a ride. Be back later"

I just want Mello to talk to me. I don't care what about but he's been silent now for days. It's driving me mad. I just want to hear his voice. He hasn't even bitched at me, just remained silent. It's 2:00 am now. I can't sleep. I can't even think. I really can't do anything but game. I've beat my highscore on seven games and I'm about to reach and beat my highscore on game number eight. I hear full out, bloody-murder screaming coming from Mello's room. I jump out of my couch just from the sudden noise. Then I get up and go see what's happening.

What I see upon entering his room is a bundle of blankets that have been pushed to the floor, probably by the body on the bed that is writing it what appears to be pain. Mello is tossing every which way and the only noises he makes alternate between silent 'no's and screaming. I walk over to the bed to find that he's sweating like mad. I go to the bathroom and wet a towel. Once in his room again I press the damp towel to his forehead.

"Shh it's just a dream Mell. You're safe, I promise."

"N-no no please no don't touch me" He murmurs quietly in his sleep.

"Who Mello, who keeps touching you, I promise they won't anymore." I'm getting concerned now, I start stroking his face, trying to soothe the terrified child that is sleeping before me. That's what he is now. A child, he feels scared and alone, and he can't say why. He's screaming for help but it would seem no one hears him.

"Mr….Mr. K-kingsmith…" He mumbles sadly into his pillow. He jolts and again screams "NOOO Please no!"

I start shaking him now, trying to wake him up. Mr. Kingsmith, our astro-physics teacher from when we were eight? He touched Mello? I can't help but go back to when we were eight, the first time he came in in tears, quietly saying "Mr. Kingsmith…" but then stopping. I suppose it made sense, why he ran away, why how after he came back Mr. Kingsmith didn't teach anymore….oh god, and that's the year Mello started being really angry. I was such a terrible friend… I assumed he was just mad at being second. But he was mad because he was being molested. I feel sick, I feel ashamed I feel…

Mello screams once again and jolts awake. I jump backwards, not expecting the sudden movement. He's in tears, probably from his nightmare, I go back over to the bed.

"Mello, you, you had a nightmare. You okay?" He nods, and now he's breaking down. I hold him and let him cry, as he has done so much before with me.

I wait until he stops crying. The whole time wondering if I should tell him I know or not. I decide to tell him, why not?

"Mello how come you never could finish saying what Mr. Kingsmith did to you?" He freezes into me.

"How did you find out?" He says looking up at me with scared eyes. And for the first time he seems vulnerable, scared, all this while awake.

"You uh, you talk in your sleep." I say stroking his hair.

"Oh. You weren't supposed to hear that." As if I fucking don't know that. "I never told you because I didn't know how to, and then you started assuming things, it went on for months before I ran away." He started crying again, but this time trying to be tough about it, sort of wiping his own tears and sitting straight up.

I'm holding him now. He fell asleep and I'm holding him here, safe. And I will never let another person ever touch him again.


	12. Chapter 12

I wish I could say I've figured out Mello's past, but all I know is a dark chapter filled with betrayal. I still feel sick knowing that. I mean….I just, can't stomach it. Why? Why would someone do that to an eight year old? It's sick, and how could I have just passed him off like that. I mean I probably wouldn't have thought that he was being raped, I was eight, but I should have at least thought it was more than just being second. I know that he's already shared more with me than ever, and not even intentionally, it may be a while before he ever talks about his life before Wammy's, maybe never. All I can do now is try and help him get out of the nightmare he's reliving.

I'm bringing a whole box of his favourite chocolate into his (our?) house. He's been…down. I almost wish I hadn't told him I heard him talk in his sleep. I think it might have been easier on him that way. I wonder how many times he's had nightmares at Wammy's and I was never there. I was always just focused on what happened to me. What my life had done to me. It fucked me up.

My dad hit mom, and sometimes me too, I still have scars from when he cut me. He'd yell all the time and I don't remember anything but sad. Being sad, living scared and sad. Even though I'm older now I can't find any more sophisticated way to say that…I was sad. Period. Then seeing my mom's dead body, followed by my dad stabbing himself…It was paralyzing, I spent so many years focused on that, unable to shake the images from my head. And Mello handled his own nightmares alone, he faced them, or ran from them alone. He took care of himself and me. I'm not letting him go alone, not this time, not ever again.

I come in and he's where he has been for the last while. On the couch, curled and sad. I bring him his chocolate and he smiles and takes it. Holding the cross on the rosary I gave him in one hand and the newly unwrapped chocolate bar in the other, touching the candy to his tongue and letting it melt before breaking off a piece. He looks almost okay today, almost like the badass that I've grown so accustomed to, infact he would look exactly like that badass, if it weren't for the fact that his eyes were red from crying and filled with sadness. He controls his facial expressions well, most of the time, I make a mental note to look into his eyes more often, there are so many times his face remains still and blank while his eyes tell a different tale entirely. I go back to times where he has remained blank in times I thought he should have, times I wished I had seen his eyes instead. Particularly last week when he kissed me on the cheek, his face was the same, but would his eyes have changed? Perhaps they had, but it wouldn't be likely. Mello wouldn't like a guy like me. Besides he thinks I'm straight. I should fix that, maybe not now but soon for sure. I walk over to him and sit next to him on the couch. He instantly curls into me and rests his head on my chest. He looks downwards and wraps his fingers though the chain of his rosary. I wish I can see his eyes as he does this.

"I really do love it Matt." He says after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm glad you do Mells, kind of why I bought it"

"Yeah, but really thank you, it's beautiful. And, you don't know how much it means to me." He looks up at me with his ice blue eyes, normally stone cold and filled with rage, but now they are filled with an emotion I can't read off of him. He kisses me on the cheek and again with those damn eyes that I can't read! What the hell is he trying to tell me? I try to just carry on the conversation.

"How much does it mean to you?" I ask in a semi-mock tone.

"It's from you. I care a lot about you. And it's you and god looking out for me. The idea in itself is beautiful. All that plus the fact that it is actually really well made and the colours are perfect. So a lot"

I blush a little bit, over thinking what he means by 'I care a lot about you'. "O-oh. Okay, good reason I guess." I smile.

"Yeah." He says softly, now his mouth is close to my ear, I start breathing heavy, I can't take it. I get up and go to my room, leaving him alone in the living room.


	13. Chapter 13

Sometimes I just need to be random. Sometimes I just need to say what I have to say before it even makes sense to the situation. But I don't know how. I'm not that kind of guy, to just say stuff on my mind. I'm not, never have been. And it's not like coming out to Mello would be a bad thing either, because I mean really what's he going to say? I just can't I literally can't. What do I even think is going to happen if I come out? Do I really think that coming out is going to get Mello to like me? I'm at least three of the ten things he hates most; Lazy people, People who don't give their full effort, smokers, gamers, people who hate the outdoors, people who aren't scared of him, Near, anyone better than him, non-chocolate things, and people who distract him from being the best. Huh, I guess I am 6, I'm lazy, never give full effort, I smoke, game, I hate the outdoors, and I'm not scared of him, well, not always scared. So I'm six of the ten things that Mello hates. Why would he like me? I'm thinking all of this just while he's out for a bike ride. Off to god only knows where, he said it has something to do with a case he's working. Mello has taken an interest in mafias; the job he's chosen is to destroy all the mafia in the world.

He comes back with a huge grin on his face. Biting into what assume to be his 20th chocolate bar in the last hour. He goes into his room, shuts the door and stays there for quite some time.

During that time I play video games. Zelda, Kirby, Mario Kart, Call Of Duty, you name it. I try and keep the volume to a minimum, I know Mello hates it when I blast the music too loud, normally I don't care but he seems so excited about this case. He says he'll become super rich and cool and will be world renown or something like that. He's already smarter than L, why does he have to prove it to the world?

When he finally comes out five hours later he sounds a lot more sad.

"I think I've found how to get into the one here, Matty, I think I've got it. I just need to do some stuff to get it."

"That's great Mells, really" I say in my usual monotonic voice that I have when I'm gaming. I don't think I even heard what he just said.

"I'm going out again, I won't be back tonight." I look at him now, he's dressed like a huge slut and has taken of his rosary. His face is as solid as ever and I try and desperately locate his eyes. I find them filled with, disappointment, regret.

"Where you going?" I ask him, looking for the rosary I gave him, still shocked that it's not on his neck.

"Getting into the mafia, what do you think?"

"I just wonder why you won't be back and why you're dressed like a man whore"

"It's part of the job tonight, okay? I checked, it's the ONLY way, the way I thought from earlier won't work out."

"Oh, well, uh, good luck I guess"

"Yeah…"

"Where's your rosary? Seems like protection would be a good idea if you're infiltrating the mafia"

"I don't want either you or god to be there tonight. I'm not happy with it. It's just my only option."

"What is?"

"None of your fucking business"

"You asshole, your my best friend, if you're doing something terrible it IS my business"

"Let it go Matt."

"No." I pause, getting more into the argument, I think I know what he's hinting at what he has to do, but I don't want to accept it. "No, I won't, tell me where you're going, what you're gonna do!"

"I'll hit you! Don't think I won't!"

"Fine Mells, whatever, I just wanna know, and I won't let you go until you tell me, I'm not scared of you"

"You should be." He says coming closer to me, squinting his eyes. If he actually wanted to hit me, he would have done so already, it was just a threat, I can tell that much.

"Mello, I'm not. Now. Fucking tell me where you're going."

"No" He growls, then he throws me to the ground and hits me in the face, not nearly as hard as he can.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: Sorry this took so long. :) i was away with no internet. Please continue to reveiw, i would like to know people are still interested :)**

**Thanks. **

* * *

Weeks later, I've had the house to myself this whole time. He hasn't come back. I've texted him, and he's texted back. That's the extent of our interaction. He's in the mafia, and is about 1/3rd done. I miss him, I do. He left his rosary here, I want to take it back to him. I wonder how it went from being 'so important to him' to being left behind. I asked if we could meet somewhere and I could get it to him then, but that apparently won't work either. I keep looking at it. I wonder why he left it here. It's been boring, I've had to drive to Wammy's on a few occasions just to see Rain, the only person other than Mello that I talk to. She's been good, new boyfriend and what not. I miss our video game chats and more specifically her. Again I don't think of her like that, if anything she's like a little sister to me. She listens to me drone on and on about how great Mello is. Mello, the asshole, where is he anyways? I miss him too, a little bit of company never hurts, and I just have stuff to talk to him about. My phone rings, I wonder who it is. It could be one of two people, Rain or Mello, I hope it's the latter.

"Hello?" I say, probably too excitedly.

"M-matt? I-I'm…going to be in the…hospital." He keeps coughing between each word, and his voice is weak.

"What happened?" I half ask half scream.

"I-." and then he doesn't say another word.

I'm at the hospital now. Just waiting. For what? Anything. For the doctors to acknowledge that I'm here. To hear anything. To see Mello, to find out if he's going to live. Anything. I hope this lack of knowledge is not a reoccurring theme. I'm not in the hospital, rather just standing outside. I'm on my 2nd pack of cigarettes, about five in, it's only been an hour and a half. I'm not leaving here until I see him, and I can't find him. I don't know how he was hurt, and he was unconscious when they got him, maybe they don't even know his name yet. I can say that he would have come in about 2 hours ago, via ambulance? Via helicopter? Via emergency. I lite another cigarette not even five seconds after stomping out the last one. I inhale and let the chemicals pour into my lungs. I've got my cigarette in one hand and Mello's rosary in the other. I haven't let go of it since I got his call. I play with it in my fingers and mutter under my breath.

"Look, I don't think you exist, but he does, and I don't know if he can pray now. Please, he's all I have. Don't let him be hurt too bad."

I go back into the building, and head for the Emergency room. It's not that hard to get past the doctors, and get to the paramedics. I see two men, maybe twenty years old, perhaps older, sitting and playing cards, I walk up to them, filled with confidence (for once) and then I ask.

"There's a blonde guy, kind of skinny, but toned, 'bout 5"9, came here maybe about two hours ago. I don't know what's wrong with him. He's my best friend, where is he?"

The taller of the two stands up and smooths his mustache. "Hey Jo, do you think that fits the description of the guy we picked up in the fire?"

"Yeah I think so Steve, I think that's him." Then the one still sitting down, Jo, I guess, turns to me and says. "A building blew up, huge fire, your friend was dead when we got there. Managed to revive him though."

"What's wrong with him?" I scream clutching tighter at the rosary in my hand.

"Burns. Bad ones, half his body…burned."

"Can I see him?"

"I think we're just waiting for him to come around now. The doctors have done their work. We actually need some help, we don't have a clue who he is, and if you know him that'd be great."

They take me over to the recovery ward and lead me to room B24. I open the door and inside I find Mello. There's bandages on one half of his face, and apparently all down his body, though the sheet covered that.

"Mells.." I say under my breath before rushing towards the bedside. I pull up a seat and sit on his good side.

"That's him?" asks Jo.

"Yeah…yeah, uh Mello."

"Okay, thanks"

I'm here with him now. Holding his hand, he's unconscious he'll never know. So again I'm waiting. This time though I'm waiting for him to come around. I'm waiting for him to wake up. I've placed the rosary now around his neck, and my free hand rests on the cross that is on his chest. He starts stirring, and I hear small words from his mouth.

"M-matt?" Then he opens the eye not covered in bandages. I can't help but smile the biggest smile ever. I fight back the urge to kiss him, and then I just say.

"Yeah Mells?"

"Get me some fucking chocolate."

"I nod, and speed off to the cafeteria in the hospital. I see a milk chocolate bar and I take it back up to Mello's room. I walk in on him holding his rosary, running his hand across the beads.

"Thanks Matt, for bringing it here." He says it happily, but only now do I remember that, since he's not dead, I'm super pissed at him.

"What the hell did you do?"

"Long story short, I was at gunpoint so I blew the place up. Odds of survival were slightly higher that way."

"What. The. Hell Mello? You fucking left for three weeks, and then blew yourself up? For a genius Mells, you can be pretty stupid."

"Shut up okay. I'm fine, destroyed the mafia here. On to the next one"

"Is this a fucking game to you? You're going to DIE Mello. Just do something normal"

"Calm down Matt, why do you care so much anyways."

"I fucking lo-you're my best friend. Okay?"

"What was that?"

"You're my best friend" I say, my voice getting higher pitched and quieter. My face also grows redder and redder.

"No no before that."

"Nothing Mello"

"What?" He asks in a mock tone "Were you gonna say you love me?" He bats his un-bandaged eye and smiles.

"No" I say totally unconvincing and looking at the ground, trying to hide the tomato shade spreading across my face. He smirks

"We'll talk about this later. I guess I'll be here for a while. Uh, yeah. You go back to the house. I'm going to sleep. I'm tiered"

I leave the hospital drive to Wammy's. I hope they let me in. I'd like to see Rain. This has been a tough day, and she's been supporting me through text the whole way through.

When I get there they let me in, and I go to the common room.

"Hello."

"Hey Rain. Mello's okay, not dying like I thought earlier."

"That's great, come on in I'll log you on as player two lets game."

We game for the larger part of four hours and talk for the rest. We talk about her boyfriend here; we talk about me and Mello. We just talk. I tell her about my near slip up that Mello caught onto, and she replies,

"Matt why not just go out and kiss him already?"

Uh, because I'd die? I mean that's just what I think but, it's likely, "I don't know okay? Just not the best idea."

"I say do it. That's how Roy and I got together, I kind of just kissed him." She smiles.

"I know Rain, I know. I'm not chill like you. And besides, it's Mello, you know, been-my-best-friend-forever-Mello?"

"I know I know. Just, at least admit okay?"

"He already knows. I think."

"Fine, just do whatever, Glad to hear he's fine. I guess he's just recovering from skin grafts now?"

I shudder "Probably, I don't want to think about it now though, okay?"

"Okay" She reaches over and hugs me. "So how have you been Matt?"

"Bored, but okay, you?"

"Bored, I cant wait to bust outta here when I'm 18 in a year."

"It's kinda cool, but I got Mello to keep me company"

"I guess"

Soon it's ten o'clock and she is forced to comply to curfew, as am I, because the building doesn't let anyone in or out after ten. I go back to the house and play more video games.


	15. Chapter 15

Mello's recovery was slow. I was sure that, by the time he returned home, he would forget completely about my slip up.

But now, here he is, proving me wrong.

"Matt, in the hospital a few weeks ago, and you said something before 'you're my best friend', what was it?" He's smiling at me, because he knows that he knows what I almost said, and he knows I know he knows.

"Nothing Mello…I I didn't say anything before that."

Then he gave me that look people give you when they know you're bullshitting them.

"Matt come on. Were you trying to say you love me? Is that it?" His voice is now angry, impatient.

"Mell…" I blush, I don't know if I can really say anything, I actually could die right now.

"Just tell me okay? Cut the bullshit. I know anyways, the way you reacted, everything. Just admit it."

I brace myself, ready to say I love him, ready to take the punch, ready to get yelled at. "Yeah okay?" I look down instantly. But then I feel a gentle touch on my chin, a hand, lifting my face and brushing the hair out of my eyes. And then he softly brings his lips to mine and moves them. Mello kisses me. He kisses me! I'm stunned, I can't move. I'm Kissing Mello, I'm kissing Mello! I should kiss back. So now I start to move my lips in the same rhythm as his. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in closer, I slowly move my hands up and around the back of his neck. It feels perfect, it's a hot summer's day and a dip in the lake, it's him and I sharing this intimate moment, and I would never want anything else. To my huge dismay he breaks the kiss, pulls himself from me, but keeps holding my waist in his hands.

"You ass, you have no fucking clue how long I wanted to hear you say that." He kisses me again, but this one is more of a peck. He pulls off again and is smiling widely. "I didn't even think you were into guys." Another peck. "You ass" and now he goes back in and kisses me hard on the lips before going back to holding me.

"I didn't think that…I mean you know."

"Shut up Matt. I love you okay? You and your fucking video games, your stupid hair, your stupid clothes, the fact that your so fucking lazy, that you're not afraid of me."

"I-I love you too Mello."


	16. Chapter 16

I've lost sight of my initial goal, I've spent so many nights kissing him and hugging him and talking to him about everything. Going out with him, swimming in the lake with him, having him hold me. Being in love with him is great, especially because he loves me too. I'm all his (well except for when I go visit Rain, she gets lonely too), and he is all mine. But in the mix of kissing, and hugging and talking I've lost sight of my goal to learn about his past. We're talking now about Wammy's. Swimming in the lake in the summer (his idea), the other people we knew. I knew Ashton and Tommy, we were 'friends' when I was five, basically they used me to get information about Mello. And then of course Mello knew his ex, Jake, the asshole who hit him. Talking about Ashton and Tommy is what's making me think of my goal again, I totally forgot for a while, I mean I don't even know his real name, or where he's from.

"Mells, what IS your real name? Where are you from even?"

He sighs but smiles the littlest bit. "I'm Russian, my real name is Mello."

"No, L would never let you have that as your code and real name!"

"No, it's not my birth name. But as far as I'm concerned, Mello is my name. It's who I am."

"I want to know your REAL name though"

"Fine, it's Mihael. It's a bible name."

Mihael, it's a beautiful name. It almost suits him, but in some distant way. Considering that he looks angry and shy I think I might bring that up, that it's a beautiful name.

"I love it Mihael." I lean in and steal a kiss from his unsuspecting lips.

"Thanks Matt, but I'd rather you say Mello. I don't like the last time anyone called me Mihael."

"Who was it? Your dad?"

He laughs, as though that was the funniest thing I could have said.

"No, dad never called me by name. It was Loki, my brother" he pauses for a bit, and stops laughing "he said it right before he died"

"Oh, uh sorry Mells" I think again, back to this? I'll take it I want to know! I want to, I hope he will tell me this time. So I ask, "Mell, what happened to him anyways?" I pause "What happened to you before you came to Wammy's? Please, I'm dying to know, I know it isn't my business, but I want to know so badly."

"Matt…"

"Please! I want to know, you can't get over it unless you tell me." I interject.

"Matt…I just I mean…"

"Mello please?"

"I guess I can tell you some things….get more chocolate first"

About two minutes and four chocolate bars later I ask again.

"Mells, please tell me something" He lets more chocolate melt on his tongue before saying,

"Fine, I'll talk a little. But don't interrupt me, or talk until I say you can" I nod, already following orders.

He takes in a deep breath and opens his mouth to speak.

"Okay. I might as well tell you about my family or whatever. My mom was a famous painter, Eva Keehl." He pauses for a bit, looking uncomfortable to carry on. I know who Eva Keehl is. My mom loved her paintings, we had a few in my old house. "My brother drew too, he was gifted artistically. My dad was ,is, I don't know, a professor at a university. They all loved each other a lot. They loved me too. There was a picture of the four of us on a picnic. Well I wasn't in the picture. I wasn't born yet, it was when mom was pregnant with me. We were all happy" He pauses again for a while, but now remains silent. He gestures as if to say I could speak again. I take that opportunity.

"That seems nice Mello. It does. Yeah I know who Eva Keehl is. There used to be a few of her paintings in the stairwell, mom loved her work."

"Yeah" He says kind of half-heartedly and quiet. I can tell there's more, well I mean I know anyways. I know that that isn't it.

"Mells, what happened to them. What took that family and became a three year old away from his dad at an orphanage."

"Can we maybe not talk about that?" he pauses for a bit, sighs and says "At least not now."

I can see that he's growing more and more uncomfortable, as well as more and more sad, regretful, and even a little bit scared.

"Of course Mells, another story for another day?"

"Yeah, I guess"

* * *

**Author's Note: So uh there's the chapter as it is now. There was a smallm bit of Mello's POV in there but i took it out. It didnt give away too much but if annyone wants to read it I will post it as a short little chapter, or PM me and I will let send the small bit. **


	17. Chapter 17

**MELLO's POV**

* * *

I'm here, holding Matt. I don't know how it happened, but it did. I don't understand why, because even though I act like I love myself, I don't. Especially not now, not with the grotesque scar running down my body. God I love him, he's so chill once you get out of his 'I'm shy and don't trust people, and hate myself' sort of thing. I get him about that. I know why he doesn't trust people, it makes sense, and as far as the whole 'I hate myself' though I can't understand how anyone could hate him, I know where he's coming from. The thing I love most about him is that he's not afraid of me, it usually pisses me off when people don't cower in fear as soon as I come in the room, but it's actually kind of great to have someone to tell you off, almost to parent you, but not in an annoying way. I'm still kind of shocked that he liked me too, well, not shocked so much because I had three weeks of skin grafts recovery to come to grips of that. It doesn't make sense is all. It really doesn't, and I know that it doesn't because I know who I am, I'm an asshole, I need to win, and I'm kind of (okay, very) moody.

Two great things have come out of this whole 'dating' thing though. One is that I get to kiss Matt, and love him and he gets to love me too. Two, I guess this was happening a little bit before we kissed, but he hasn't been bugging me about my past. He's like a girl with it. He just wants to sit around and talk about me. I don't get why he's so interested. His was pretty bad, He's told me about it. He doesn't know but I can tell that his dad used to hit him as well as his mom. When I run my hands down his back I can feel scars. I've decided not to tell him I know, because I don't want to pester him about it. That's the one thing that I don't like about him, he won't fucking leave me alone about this whole past shit. Also he doesn't know when to hold his tongue; I was kind of pissed at him for bringing up Mr. Kingsmith. I hate thinking about it, it comes into my mind and takes over it without any warning, it leaves me feeling like shit and hating myself, when I was thirteen it would leave usually leave with a scar too, but I don't like thinking of that either. I just wish he could respect that I don't like to talk about it.

And now he's asked again, asked about my real name, where I'm from. I tell him that I'm from Russia, no harm done there, and then I lie about my name. The last time anyone called me by name was Loki, and that night is definitely one memory to forget.

He seems to have picked up on that lie though, and I might as well tell him that my name is Mihael. Ha, Mihael, it means 'one who is like god', my mom chose it. I'm surprised that after the whole thing dad still agreed to name me that. He likes it but I let him know to never call me Mihael.

Great, now he's asking me to tell him more things. I ask for chocolate. I'm on my third bar now, and it doesn't seem like the worst idea, I could tell him some things. I could tell him about my family, or how it used to be before it was torn. I still remember that photograph of the three of them looking so happy, then again how could I forget, I used to apologize to that photo all the time and cry into it. Talking about that family, might not be the worst.

He asks me again, yeah yeah Matt I'm getting to it, you're lucky that you're so friggin cute.

So I tell him. I tell him about my mom, and dad, and Loki. I told him about the family that I wished was there. The family I wish I never ruined. Then I can't talk anymore.

He knows her, my mom, a lot of people do, I want to apologize, but instead I just say 'yeah'.

Fuck, he still expects more? I don't think I can even function right now, let alone talk about life.

AAAANNNNDDD now I just agreed to tell him some other time.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Something that was supposed to be in the last chapter that i missed, it got deleted and i never found out untill now, its a line mello says "I was so excited to become Mello so that i could leave Mihael behind" its a thought.**

Please continue to reveiw, I love reveiws, I'm a reveiw whore :) 

* * *

"M-Mells? Lemme in. I promise I'll never call you that again!" I'm freezing, Mello's shut me out of the house, and won't let me back inside. All because I called him Mihael. I know he told me that I shouldn't call him that, and I really didn't mean to. It's just a beautiful name and it accidentally slipped. Then the next thing I knew I was out here, now I'm still out here. It's been about two hours. It's pouring rain and the temperature is not higher than five degree's Celsius. He won't even acknowledge that I've been pounding at the door. I've come to get that maybe Mello's pre Wammy life wasn't as great as some of us may have thought, and I get that he doesn't want to think about it, but THIS is just plain old bitchy.

"M-m-e-lls. Plea-se." my knocking keeps getting softer and softer, and I get colder and colder. I feel like I can just fall over when Mello opens the door.

"Fine, get in here…HOLLY SHIT!" Then he grabs me by the wrist and pulls me inside where he frantically takes my shirt off and holds me to him. "Matt, you're freezing…I-I'm so sorry. We should get you a warm bath…uh I'll go run the tub you stay here, get undressed if you can."

I nod and start taking off my pants, there's no awkwardness, it's not like he's never seen me naked before.

He's holding me now, under the covers, I'm shivering into him and he's just holding me tight into his war chest. He's stroking my hair, and telling me that I'm going to be fine. He says it in such a way that sounds like its more for him than me.

"Matt you're fine see? You'll be okay."

"Y-yeah Mells, I'm fine, just cold still." He hugs me even closer.

"Fuck Matt, I'm sorry."

"I know, you've said that."

He keeps holding me and I just let my mind wander to why he hates his old name that much.

"I'm sorry Matt, I just…I hate being called Mihael."

"I was getting the feeling." I say sarcastically. "Why though."

He sighs, "I guess I owe you something. The last person to say my name was Loki, when he died."

"Yeah you said that"

"It was in a fire, he was trapped under a piece of ceiling and I was trying to get him out, he said he was sorry then sort of…died."

Oh my god. That's…deep, I mean no one should see someone they love die. Wait, why was he in the building? "Mell's I'm so sorry. Why were you in the house anyways? It was on fire!"

He ignores my question and sort of chuckles to himself. "I bet he and I have matching scars, his skin was boiling in the same area." And now, even though I'm shivering, I reach out a hand and sooth his hair.

"Mells…I'm sorry. Why were you even in the house anyways?"

He takes out a staggered sigh, "I didn't really have the choice, and also, if he was dead, there really wasn't anyone else to live for, so why fight it?"

I can tell now that he's sobbing. So now it's my turn to say soothing words to him. "Sh, hey Mell's it's okay." And all I get in response is a quiet, sad

"He was right, he was always right"


	19. Chapter 19

I've finally gotten better! I was sick all week and I'm finally feeling better. I had to stay in bed and the only perk was that Mello waited on me hand and foot. He's away now, something with another Mafia job, but things are just as quiet alone as when he's here. We sometimes have small talk but other than that he seems scared to talk, like horrified. I don't know why, maybe because of what we talked about two nights ago. And about that, what the fuck does 'he was right, he was always right' even fucking mean. 'He' is his dad, I'm pretty sure anyways, but really what was he right about? It's been bothering me but I haven't asked Mello, because he doesn't really talk much, I don't want to scare him into telling me, I want him to tell me when he's ready. He's out right now, some sort of Mafia job, and because he's not here to make fun of me, I pull out my DS and play one of my favourite games, nintendogs. Yes, that's right, I love nintendogs, and I would say that I'm not ashamed of it, but I kind of am. I've always wanted a dog, dogs are cool, but we weren't allowed dogs at Wammy's, obviously, and I wasn't with my mom long enough to beg for a pet. So instead I take care of Hazel, my golden retriever that I virtually adopted when I was nine. She's pretty obedient and loves to play, but she's not real. I want a REAL dog, to play with and cuddle and love. It'd be great to have a dog to be with when Mello's not home, which when he's on a job, is quite often. I think I'm responsible enough to get a puppy, train it, and take care of it, I mean I'm 18 not 8, the only question is if Mello would agree to having a dog. The other thing too, is that I don't want any dog, I want it to be from a shelter, or some sort of animal rescue, and I want it to still be a puppy, I know I'm very specific about all this but I want the perfect dog. I sympathise with the animal rescue dogs, the shelter dogs, the dogs that have no owners and no one to love them, just like the kids at Wammy's, no parents to love them.

I close my DS and go to the computer and look for local pet shelters in the area. There's a few that have some dogs that are younger than one, there's a Jack Russel Terrier, which would be too hyper for my lifestyle, also a Chihuahua, which is too small and girly, plus Chihuahuas don't play. Also a Dashound, but he's already been sold, the website hasn't updated yet. It's come down between two puppies that I will ask Mello about. A Mutt of unbknown breed who is 6 months old, found in a park still tied to a bench, she had a whole bunch of fleas, or a Basset Hound, only four months old, who was wondering the streets and sort of found it's way over to the shelter. They're both kind of similar in size. The Mutt is small, has short legs a golden coat with white legs and a white belly she has small ears that somewhat resemble a Lab. The Basset hound also small, also short legs, he's got a light brown head, except for a white stripe that goes from his forehead to his nose, and rather than the light brown acting as a blanket on top of white, it patches around him. If Mello agrees (and how could he not after I show him the pictures) I, or we, will go and see them and choose which we like best. I'm so excited right now I can't wait until he comes home.

* * *

"Matt, I'm home" Mello comes in and sits down next to me on the couch. "Almost done the job too, these guys are idiots."

"Well that's good" I say, moving my arm around him to bring him in for a kiss. He breaks the kiss and smiles at me.

"I love you Matt." He says, kissing me again. He's in a good mood, I can ask him for what I want.

"Mells… I have a question." He nods at me telling me to go ahead with the question.

"Can we get a puppy?"

"No"

He didn't even think about it, just flat out said no. "But Mells look at them!" I pull out my laptop and show him pictures of the Mutt and the Basset hound. "I've always wanted a dog, and you're gone so much, I need someone to keep me company-."

"No Matt."

"Mello please, come on you're not being fair."

"This is my house, and I don't want a dog in it. How is it unfair?"

"Because I want a dog and I live here too!"

"Matt no. I'm not being unfair, your being stupid."

"But Mello! They're so cute and small and they don't have anyone, they're all alone and they just want SOMEONE to love them! Look-look this one!" I pull up the picture of the Mutt. "She was just left tied to a bench at six months old, and she had fleas, her owner left her there. And this one" I pull up the picture of the Basset Hound, "He was wandering around hopelessly for a long time, all alone because his owner just left him to find someplace, and he found his way to the shelter!" He pauses for a second, as do I, then I say, "They need someone to love them Mello, they're so young and full of life and love and they just want someone to love them." I'm about to cry now, because for so long, that's all I wanted at Wammy's, was to be loved again, I wonder if these puppies had people who loved them, but then got hurt, or died, or whatever.

"Matt…" He looks conflicted now, but can tell I'm upset and quickly wraps me into a hug and soothes my hair. He sighs a deep heavy sigh and says "Fine, you can get one, go choose a dog, bring it home, whatever."

I look up at him beaming. "Come with me to choose, I want you to love it too."

He sighs again and gives me some sort of look.

"Fine, I guess if it really means this much to you."

* * *

**Author's Note:Because really who doesnt love puppies? **


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: This entire chapter is written by the perspective of the dog that they adopt. **

* * *

My name is Puddy, I'm five and a half years old. I live at this place with a lot of other dogs who are all kinds of ages, but I'm the youngest. Some of the older dogs say that they are only considered to be 10 years old to people, but that's just silly. I asked Lucy, one of the older, smarter dogs to tell me how old I would be in people years, and even though I know that I'm five she said that in people years I'm not even one! Apparently I'm only four months old, but like I said, that's just silly.

Anyways, I came here a few weeks ago, after being in a box with my brother Achai and my sister Caina, we were with our mom and then the lady who took care of us took me and Achai and Caina away in a box and left us somewhere, after a day Achai left to find food he's angry and has an Alfa- dog superiority, he said that we didn't need that lady to take care of us, just our mom, so he left to find either food or mom. Then Caina went a while after him because he never came back, she wanted to make sure he was okay. I stayed behind because that lady wouldn't leave us all alone because she said she loved us. She would come back soon and I would be there, so she would be happy with me. After about a day longer I was so hungry and I could barely move, but I smelled something yummy, and even though the noises outside were kind of scary I stepped out of the box and went to find my mom.

After wandering around some lady picked me up and said some words I didn't understand, but she said them in a nice, soft voice that felt like silk so I went with her, she took me here and the people have been taking care of me. At first I was in a room all by myself and they poked me with sharp things and I didn't like it. But then a few days ago I came to this room with lots of dogs. Though I don't think that they know my name is Puddy. They never call me Puddy, I don't really know what they call me, all I know is that whenever someone says "That little Basset Hound" someone comes and takes care of me. So maybe my name is "That little Basset Hound"

I hear some people talking outside through my floppy ears I don't understand what they're saying but this is what it sounds like.

"I kind of liked the Mutt, why didn't you?" I can tell it's a man, and that he's gentle, he says nice words that sound like sunshine on his first level, and rivers on his second level.

"It was too bouncy, Matt, even you said you don't want anything too hyper" I don't like the way he sounds, he sounds like a lightning and rainstorm on his first level, and I can't yet tell what his second level is.

Mom explained to me about levels of all living things, see there's the first level which is what the being shows, and then there's a second level, which only comes out on some occasions, then there's the third level, which is even more hidden, and so on and so forth. The first man to speak had a nice first level, but the second man sounded mean on his first level, and nice on his second. Mom also explained that some people try and hide their first level by using it as a second level, but then I got confused and went to go tackle Achai. The first man speaks again.

"Come on, be open minded Mello." I love listening to him speak, he sounds soft and gentle and as far as I can tell all his levels are pleasant.

"Yeah yeah, okay" This time the man's first level softens and he sounds a lot nicer, not like a full out rainstorm like it did earlier, more like thunder, still not nice.

"Lucy?" I bark, trying to get my friends attention. "Lucy I have a question!"

Lucy is in the cage next to me, well across from me actually. "Yes, Puddy? What is it?" Lucy is old, she's 62 years old! But according to her people always say that she's ten.

"Lucy I haven't heard those voices before. The one that sounds like sunshine and the one that first sounded like thunder. What are they doing here?"

"Well, each time a new voice comes one of the dogs usually leave with them. So I suppose that is all."

"That's strange, where do they go?"

"I went once, and they put me in a room with a big red couch, and then some people came and played with me for a bit, then I heard them say that 'They'd come for me in a week, because they'd be in florida.' That was a few days ago, before you were in this room."

"Woah, what do you suppose that means?"

"I think it means a promise of a happier time, some love maybe."

"Do you think? Wow, that would be cool!"

"I think so yes."

I listen to the voices again, and the man that sounds like thunder says,

"Yeah, we're here to see that little basset hound." Little basset hound? That's me! I scream a bit in excitement, and start wagging my tail. Happier times? I hope!

Then the lady who usually comes to feed me comes into the room and unlocks my cage, then just like Lucy said, I was in a room with a big red thing that much be what Lucy said was a couch. On the couch are two men, one is tall and smells funny, but has a smile on his face, he must be the sunshine man. The other smells sweet but looks a little annoyed, he must be the man that sounded like thunder.

"Hey little guy," says sunshine man as he reaches down both hands to try and pick me up, I'm a little scared and back away a little he speaks again. "It's okay little guy, come on." This time I trust the sunshine man, who in fact, is the taller of the two, so I let him pick me up. I let out a big yawn by accident but then I start wagging my tail because I like how sunshine man feels.

"Matt." says thunder man. Then sunshine man looks up,

"Yeah?"

"Can I hold him?"

"Sure"

Then sunshine man, who I think must be named Matt because that's what he responded to hands me over to the thunder man. I'm really scared and I want to go back to Matt, but he gives me a pat on the head and I'm now in thunder man's arms.

He doesn't feel like thunder at all. In fact he feels like a woolen blanket, he makes me sleepy and I start to snuggle into the little bend that his arms make. He's warm. I can feel him pet me and say.

"Good dog." I know what good means, I don't know a lot of human words but I know good means I did something that they like and bad means I did something wrong.

"Mello?" asks Matt

"Yeah?" Okay, thunder man is named Mello, he responded to it.

"Do you like him?"

"I think so"

Matt picked me up and now I'm snuggled into him. We're moving but Matt and Mello are sitting down. Matt lets me out of the car and I see a big, big thing. I think it might be a house, because Lucy told me about houses, and how she used to be in a house with people who took care of her, but then they moved away. Maybe I'm going to be in a house, this house, with Matt and Mello taking care of me. I hope so because I love Sunshine man and even Thunder man.


	21. Chapter 21

"Okay Koopa, sit." My new puppy is staring blankly at me, head cocked to one side, looking at me as though I'm speaking Japanese, which I suppose, to him, I am. "Come on Koopa. Sit boy." He starts running around in circles, "No boy, sit." I say sternly, to let him know that 'sit' surely does not mean 'run wild' He stops and plops his butt on the ground, and tilts his head to one side, he is sitting so I clap and say as happily as I can. "Good boy Koopa! Good SIT!" I pet him on the head and give him a milk bone. A few tries later and I think he knows what 'sit' means. I'm so glad Mello let me get a dog. Little Koopa has been with me for a week now, and I'm pretty sure he knows his name now. He learned sit today, and come and stay a few days ago. I've managed to keep myself occupied while Mello's gone making money for our, and Koopa's food. I told him just to get kibble, and he came home with a whole bunch of meat and vegetables. 'Matt you have no clue what kind of shit they put in dog food. I refuse to buy it for him. I'll make him actual food instead.' That was his reasoning. I think he loves Koopa more than he will admit to anyone, considering he actually turned on a stove, which he never does, it's still weird because he cooks with it on such a low temperature and still ends up icing his right hand, but I'm glad he used a stove for such a valiant reason.

* * *

"Hey Matty, hey Koopers." Mello calls him 'Koopers' which is just ridiculous, and I've told him that it would confuse poor little KooPA, but he never listens. Either way Koopa jumps up and wobble-runs over to Mello, wagging his tail.

"Hey Mells, wanna see what we learned today?" I ask, knowing that Mello probably (in his own mind) has something better to do than watch a dog sit.

"Why not? Show me." I'm surprised, I didn't think that he'd agree.

"Okay, Koopa, come!" Koopa came running over to me and stood at my feet. "Okay buddy, now sit" I did the hand motion that also means sit, and Koopa sat at my feet. I tossed him a treat. "Good boy!" I look over at Mello, beaming. He seems a little happier.

"Good job Matt. Now when will he do that whole walk on hind legs thing?" he smirks, asking me sarcastically.

I roll my eyes. "Come on, he already knows Come, Sit, and Stay. He knows his name, and your ridiculous nickname for him, how much can one puppy learn?" I say, playing into his joke.

"Oh come on, you know I was kidding." He says moving over and giving me a kiss. "I've got some work to do though, okay? Almost done this one."

"Okay, and you said this was probably your last one right?"

"Yeah for a while at least, there's a case that I'm interested in, L's on it already, I've asked if I could work in alliance with him"

"Oh, cool"

"yeah, I've only got a bit more to do before I can finish up here and join the case. I should head in for work. I'll be out in a few hours." He kisses me and pets Koopa on the head, and leaves.

I'm glad Mello likes Koopa. Like I already thought, he likes him more than he will probably admit to anyone, and I think that Koopa was always his first choice. I think that no matter what we would have gone home with Koopa, because the meeting with the Mutt went really well, she was not 'too bouncy' as Mello described her. Anyways, things worked out, we've got Koopa and some family with a kid's got the mutt. Mello and I are happy so I guess it's all good.

* * *

I walked in on Mello talking to Koopa today. It was the cutest thing ever. Koopa was attacking a red ball and Mello was laying down on his stomach, petting him.

"Hey buddy, do you like it here? I hope you do. Mattie loves you, and I kind of do too. Don't worry, I know you didn't mean to do anything bad to have your owner leave you behind, maybe you feel like you did, but you didn't okay? Don't feel bad about it, you've got Matt now, and he's going to make you feel loved again. Or maybe you never were loved, maybe you were always hated, but I find that hard to believe. Don't think about it and it will go away. You're pretty great, I'm sorry that you were left alone by whoever took care of you, who needs him?" Then Mello flopped his ears and rubbed his belly, Koopa enjoyed the attention.

I know I wasn't supposed to see that, or hear it. It's obvious, but it's clear now. Mello was left by a dad who didn't want him, drove him to Wammy's (well actually the gates of Wammy's), and then left Mello all alone to find the building, and it was at least three miles up that driveway. Why didn't his dad want him, and the fact that he said "Maybe you were always hated" makes me wonder what a kid so young could have done to make someone leave them alone at an orphanage. I'm stuck now, I could tell Mello of my new found knowledge, but what will that do, where will that lead? Will it break the trust I've gained from him? I tried that out once with Mr. Kingsmith, and it didn't go terribly, but I wouldn't say it went well. I'm just stuck.


	22. Chapter 22

So uh I don't know what to do, what to say, if I should say, which I think I've decided against. Hold on. Mind? Make sense.

I don't think I should tell him what I heard and what I thought about it. But the curiosity is killing me. I could just ask him, but would he answer? And how do I even bring that up, its not like everyday people talk about their scaring backstories, I know that I don't like talking about it, why should he?

I guess I kind of always knew that he wasn't left by a loving father, I guess I knew it all along, even when I was little, but it was fun to pretend that at least one of us had somebody that cared about them, even if it wasn't me. So then why does this news shock me? If I always thought that, why am I surprised to have heard him talk about it? Is it just that, the fact that he actually said things along those lines, or is it that I got too caught up in my childish dream of having a best friend who was the luckiest kid in the world? I always wanted to believe my story; maybe I just got too caught up in it, and got lost somewhere between dream and reality.

"Hey Matty, I'm home" He enters the house and I hear the door close behind him.

" I'm in here." I call to him, still sleepy. He opens the door to my room and stands in the doorway. He looks angry.

"Near helped L solve the case. Apparently it took someone clear headed. That dumb little shit."

"What? But Mells, you're smarter than him." He shakes his head and turns to leave the room.

"Always fucking second." He says under his breath. "I'm going to go work out okay?"

Working out for him can mean one of two things, getting stronger, or having an excuse to punch everything he can. I think it's the second option. Koopa gets up and runs over to him. Mello looks down, picks him up and carries him over to me.

"I believe this is yours." He says half smiling. He drops Koopa and says "Keep him here until I'm done breaking my fists."

I hear some thuds in the wall, all too well I know the sounds of Mello punching things because Near beat him at something. I don't know why he has such a hate for that little kid. I mean sure, the guy is kind of creepy, but I think Mello thinks that Near is the source of all things evil. Koopa looks up at me and lets out a concerned whimper.

"It's okay, sometimes Mello hits things when he's mad, but it will never be us okay?" Then I pick him up and pet him.

The banging stops and I hear Mello in the kitchen. I go to watch him make our dinner, Koopa jumps up and runs with me. He steadily turns the stove on to the lowest heat and waits for it to heat up. Then an additional half hour is added for noodles that would only take seven minutes on high heat. After straining the noodles Mello hastily runs to the other sink and sticks his right hand under the water, his strange, quirky routine.

"Mells why do you do that?"

"Do what?" he asks defensively.

"Take care of your hand like that."

"I wouldn't want it burned would I? Hands can get burned easily." He explains totally unconvincingly.

I raise my eyebrow and fold my arms over my chest. "Mells cut the bullshit."

"Fine." He says now starting to look uncomfortable. "I tried once when I was little to make dinner for dad and Loki. It was supposed to impress dad, but instead he held my hand to the stove. That's how the fire that killed Loki started. It was all my fault." He looks down at the ground.

He held your hand to a stove? Who the fuck does that! That's messed up! I want to say that but I stop myself. I walk over to him and give him a hug.

"Mello, why? Why would he do that?"

He presses himself into my chest and mumbles. "Because he hated me." He sobs once. "He always hated me."

"Mello, why?"

He looks up at me now, in hysterics. "I-I never meant….to be a bad kid. He was fucking right always fucking right!"

"About what Mello?" I say looking at him now, trying to go to hug him but for each step I take forward, he takes two steps back.

"I shouldn't have been born. If I was never born they'd all be happy, mom would be alive, Loki would be alive. I-if I was never born he wouldn't hate me for killing mom." He's losing it.

"Mello you couldn't have killed your mom. You were just a ki-."

"But she died giving birth to ME! If I wasn't alive she wouldn't be dead, and that's how dad always saw it."

This shit is messed up, his dad hated him because his mother died giving birth to him?

"Mells, I-I'm sorry. It's not your fault, you never could have known. You don't deserve what happened to you." I take one huge step forward, and this time he doesn't move away, this time he collapses into me and starts crying into my chest.

"My fault, all my fucking fault. He was right, it should have been me, it should have been." I hold him tighter for each word he says. I soothe his hair back and continue it.

"Mells. Shh hey, listen to me okay?" I keep soothing his hair, rubbing his back, holding him tight "It's not your fault, okay? I love you Mello, and what happened to your mom and brother is not your fault." I keep soothing him "If you were never born I would have no one to live for, think of it that way, please." Because it's true. He is my reason of living. Otherwise I would be totally alone right now.

**Mello's POV:**

He tried to drown me after the fire that killed Loki. "You killed my son! Go join the devil!" When he pulled me out of the water he told me to pack my things. Then he drove me to what I had not yet recognised as the Gates if Wammy's house, and sped off

I can still remember it, every word, every burn, every hit. Like clouds in my head that just won't lift, another memory, when we had our house enters my mind to take over the last.

"You should never have been fucking born!" he slaps me in the face. "See this family?" the picture of the three of them is shoved in my face, "You destroyed it." He throws the frame so that it shatters. He picks up one piece and cuts my face. "I'm surprised you even bleed! For a heartless" Slap "Cruel" Punch "Un-living" Slap "Asshole." He stops. "And that's all you'll ever be."

And that's what I became. I left the only person other than him and Loki who I ever loved, I left him outside in the freezing cold, for hours. Just like the heartless 'slap', cruel 'punch', un-living' slap, asshole that I'll always be.

* * *

**Author's Note: This makes sense to be the end. I might so an epilogue of them a few years later but basically the whole thing the story revolves around is concluded so yeah. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: LOL! Just kidding, I'm not done, heres another chapter. Hope it's all good, switching up how its written no one's POV really.**

* * *

Joseph Keehl is sitting at a bar chair in downtown Moscow. It is a normal evening routine for him. Go to Isaac's bar and try and drink away the pain. Drink away all the pain and all the guilt. But it never worked.

"Isaac! 'Nother ten please!"

Isaac cooperates, Mr. Keehl is his best customer, over the years he has made himself nearly immune to drunkenness, even after 35 shots of his highest percentage vodka.

Joseph slams his head down on the bar table, only three shots more before the ten he just ordered is gone.

"Jo, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off."

Jo shoots up. "NO! It hasn't worked yet, the pain, it's still there!"

"Jo when does it ever leave? It never does. Perhaps it never will."

"Isaac please, let me drink more!"

"No Jo, you'll drink yourself to death"

"Maybe I'm trying!" He pauses, "Maybe I want to drink myself dead. There isn't anyone keeping me here anyways."

Isaac stopped arguing. Everyone in Moscow by now knew the story of Joseph Keehl and how he lost his entire family. Ten years ago, Jo did the bravest thing that Isaac had ever seen anyone do. He went into down town and asked for help.

"Please, listen!" He demanded. When the crowd settled down he spoke again. "You all know the family I have lost, over the years. It has taken a toll. After losing my wife I was a terrible father to my two beloved sons. Loki, who died in a house fire, and Mihael, who I gave away. To Loki, I lacked the strength to show him that you have to be strong, and to Mihael, I blamed it all on him. I was especially terrible to Mihael, who will be turning eight this week. I gave him to an orphanage and agreed to disown him, I did this to save his life. Especially after losing Loki in the fire I hit Mihael a lot, I once even tried to kill him, so I gave him away to save him from me. I lost god when I lost Eva, and it has taken me time to find him again, but I have, I want my son back and I will never hurt him again. I want a chance to make things change. But to do this I need help. I cannot speak English but I am willing to learn, of course the orphanage there is mainly English speaking. Please help me get my son back, I love him and every day I miss him more."

And he got help, people taught him English, he bought a house, and he called the place where he left his son. The only answer he got was that.

"Generally kids here are not up for adoption. I'm sorry but Mihael is one of our best students, we cannot make an exception, especially considering what little bits of information he has disclosed to me. Not to mention how complicated it would be for him."

Ever since poor Joseph Keehl has been coming to Isaacs bar, drinking away the guilt.

"I gave him away Isaac. I gave him away. How was I so blind, so cruel. I always loved him, I almost killed him, then I gave him away."

Isaac reached out a hand to settle his friend. "Jo, he's happy. That's all you could have done"

"HOW DO I KNOW THAT?" Jo snapped, "I don't know if he's living, if he's happy, who he is. All I know is that Today he's turning nineteen"

"You can try and find him, he's out of the orphanage now, is he not?"

"He would never forgive me. Besides he could be anywhere in the world."

"He probably hasn't gone far from where the orphanage was, why not go to England? You became fluent. He doesn't have to forgive you, but you could at least then know if he's alive."

"Isaac you're right. It is what I need to do. It's just not that simple."

"You're the only one making it difficult"

Jo grunted. "You may be right Isaac, you may be right."


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note : I am acctually very sorry for this chapter. I apologize in advance. I hope that it al least makes sense. **

* * *

That's it. I can't fucking leave him alone, ever. What's worse? Apparently he's pulled shit like this before, only last time he was 15 and it was BB who made him throw up a full bottle of Tylenol.

I came home from buying him chocolate and he didn't come to see me in the kitchen, so I went to his room, the door was closed and Koopa was whining outside. I entered and I saw Mello asleep on the bed. I went to go wake him up, but then I saw that he wasn't breathing, he was dead, or close to it. I panicked and saw the empty bottle with a note that said "Here's to you dad. Matty, I'm sorry." I started screaming, and crying, I took him to the bathroom and made him throw up the pills. I kept giving him things that would make him puke, until his stomach was as good as pumped. He said he suffered from serious depression from when he was 13 until he was 16 when he stopped blaming himself so much, but bringing it up was some sort of trigger.

He was suicidal for three years and I never knew. He used to cut, he starved himself for two weeks, how come I never noticed?

I'm holding him now on the bed. On his bed, he won't leave his room, won't get out of bed. Some days it takes a lot for me to get him to eat. I don't know why, if he's already stopped blaming himself as much, he's feeling like this now?

"Mello, I love you." I kiss him on the forehead.

"You shouldn't." he says emotionlessly.

"Mello, shut up okay, I love you, a lot. It wasn't your fault, you were a baby being born, and then a kid wanting to make his dad happy."

"It doesn't leave, I-I don't blame me like I used to, but the idea that I shouldn't be here won't leave, Matt."

"Mello you can't leave me. I love you so much, please tell me you're not in that much pain."

"I'm not. I just feel like I should be dead, have for a long time."

"Mello please, think of all the cool things you and I can do! We can start traveling, we could I don't know adopt kids, we could be great parents, great dads, the kind of dads we never had!"

"Sure Matt" he gives a half-hearted smile and snuggles into me.

**Mello's POV: **Shit, why do I feel like this again? It's like when I was younger, but different, worse. When I was thirteen I wanted to die, then that went on until I snapped and took a full bottle of Tylenol. Then after BB found me I was forced to see someone, I guess it kind of helped. For the last two years I didn't want to die, I just didn't really care whether or not I lived. Then I found out that I could have Matt, that I could be his and I could get to love him and kiss him and be with him like that forever, so I started caring a little bit more about life, who needs the love of a father when you've got your amazing boyfriend, right? Wrong, because after being told that 'you shouldn't be here' for three years, you start to believe it, and now that I'm thinking about it more and more, I feel like he was right, I shouldn't be here. It's no longer that I want to die, it's that I don't think I should be alive.

But that doesn't mean that Matt isn't helping. Having a crazy dreamer for a lover is not a bad thing. Having him talk about all these great things that we can do, and how we'll grow old together or random romantic shit like that, it makes me think that I'm here for a reason. Maybe I am supposed to adopt a little kid and love that kid like I've never been loved. Maybe I'm just supposed to love Matt, forever, and that doesn't seem too bad.


	25. Chapter 25

Dear Mihael, December 13th 1994  
I hope that life in the orphanage is fine, I know you found your way there, because a day afterwards, the owner called. I love you, I know it's hard to understand but I leaving you there is the best way I could protect you, protect you from me. I know that's not how things should be but that's the way it is. I love you Mihael, I always have. Happy fifth birthday.  
P.S I know you won't get this, but I'll send it anyways.  
Love Joseph Keehl, your father.

* * *

Dear Mihael, February 12th 1995  
This has become more of something that I do to hope that maybe someday I'll be strong enough to be the man and father that I failed to be. You are six now, I believe, and I try not to send all of these but I hope some make it to the orphanage. Not a day has gone by that I don't miss you, I love you and always will. But I don't regret leaving you there, I regret how I treated you, because I was a terrible father. Nothing was ever your fault, I know that now and I knew that then, I was just so angry, and it was unfair of me to take it out on you.  
Love, Joseph Keehl, your father.

* * *

Dearest Eva, December 13th 1993  
It has been 4 years since your passing, I miss you, I can't wait for the day to come where I no longer have to live another moment without you. How's heaven? Sometimes when it snows I think of you, and how you said that when you were little you thought that snow was caused by angels baking cookies in the sky. I'm sorry that I messed things up with the children. I blamed Mihael for it, but really it was my fault that Loki died. If I never made Mihael feel like he had to impress me, he wouldn't have used the stove, if I never held his hand to it he never would have taken off without turning the stove off. I hope I can make it up to Mihael, and let him know that I love him and always did, but I don't know if I'm ready yet. I don't know if I can control all the anger and pain I feel every minute that was caused by losing you. I count the breaths until I can be with you again.  
Love Jo.

* * *

Dear Mihael, December 19th 2005  
You are a little older now, and maybe you can understand. It was your 16th birthday last week, so you definitely should be old enough to understand. I left you there to save your life. I love you and always did, nothing was ever your fault, I'm sorry I ever said it was. I love you Mihael, all I can hope for is that you are happy with the beautiful person that I'm sure you have become. I love you. I'm sorry.  
Love Joseph Keehl, Your father.

* * *

**Author's Note: kinda short and no real add, but yeah, just kinda thought it'd be coolish? Read and Reveiw please **


	26. Chapter 26

Better? No. Better is what you would call a person who overcame an ailment. To describe Mello I would use, plastic. You know, it looks warm and soft, with rosy cheeks all bundled up, but it's all fake, cold, hard, pretending to be something that it's not. That's what Mello is right now. He's plastic. I think he wants me to think that he's okay, that he's not going to think about leaving, that he's over it. But that isn't working out for him I see right through him. I can see the cold, icy centre that won't melt. I can see the self-hate, the insecurities, everything. I can see him as that same lost and scared three year old that he was so many years ago. I don't know why he thinks he's fooling me. Or maybe he's trying to fool himself. He keeps using the term "better" when he talks about himself, but I can tell otherwise.

**Mello's POV: **Life goes on I suppose, everyone's got to get over the demons of the past that make them feel like nothing. I've been trying, I have. It never hurts when you have someone who wants you to be better. Matt wants me to be better. So I will try for him. BB wanted me to get better, but in a different way. He wanted me to get better in the way that forced and pleaded, in the way that didn't understand. Matt just wants me to be okay. I'm trying for him, I guess for me too, but he's more important. I love him, and spending forever with him would be great, adopting kids,(we've already got Koopa), like he said, and traveling the world. It already seems like I will make it out fine, I just don't know when that will be and how much 'better' better is.

Sometimes, when it's two in the morning I can hear Matt sleeping, and he talks in his sleep. He used to say things about video games, but as of late it's been along the lines of 'it wasn't your fault'. I wonder what he's dreaming about, seeing as I know he's talking about me. I'm starting to almost fully believe him. Fuck dad. He technically asked for me to be brought into the world, and then he decided to hate me? The bastard.

Why can't I get there though. Why can't I say that like I so desperately want to. I want to say I don't care. Why can't I?


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: I don't really have any idea where I'm going with the whole Jo/Mello thing...so I may do a few chapters wit Jo so that i can 'try him on for size' as a charactor, that way both you guys and myself will understand how things go on after. The italics are flashback of the same event, there were too many to have a solid line between all of them so i just put them as italics. Enjoy :)**

* * *

Jo barely stopped as he forced his only living son out of the car. He said no goodbye in fear of changing his mind. He tossed the rucksack that he had helped pack, and drove off, leaving the only thing he had left, the only reminder of her, behind. Once Mihael's sad, and confused figure could no longer be seen from the rear view mirrors Jo pulled the car off the road, placed his head in his hands and cried. It had to be done.

_ Just months ago he was in the same position head in his hands, crying. It was after the fire. He made Mihael run in to save Loki. Both had died. He was outside holding Mihael's lifeless body, Loki's body trapped in the still burning house. His eldest son turning to ashes while his youngest was no longer breathing. He desperately tried to recover the boy, CPR didn't work, and perhaps prayer could save him. He noticed a slight glimpse of silver as he was preforming CPR and noted the all too familiar rosary that hung off Mihael's neck. It used to belong to Eva, she had given it to Loki, and Loki must have given it to Mihael. _

Eva, she loved Loki, she loved him, and she loved Mihael too. Jo noted that he also loved Mihael, why then was he so angry at the boy? Why had he done the things he had? Risked his life twice, and his sanity a dozen times.

_His life, his life is gone, the life of a three year old is gone because Jo made him run inside. Jo killed him, and he didn't know how to live with that. He would die that evening too, he had no other reason to live, Eva gone three years prior, and now his only other loves, both, dead. He would take away his own life, he would die, there's no other reason to be here, what should stop him from dying?_

At that moment in the car, Jo remembered the pistol he had brought, he held it in his hands, turning it over a dozen times in his hands. He gave away his only reason for living, why should he not die? No. No this time would be different. He didn't give Mihael away, just like Mihael had never died. He would wait, wait until he could be a father, be a man, then he would come back for his dear Mihael.

_The ambulance came, and he rode in the car, holding Mihael's tiny hand. He was whispering a thousand apologies, no longer crying as no more tears could possibly leave his eyes. _

_Then, the miracle he had prayed for happened. Mihael was alive! He rushed into the room to see him, but then all the memories of HER came in again. He had her eyes, her hair, her love of chocolate. He was the reason she was no longer there, HE was the reason that Loki was DEAD. HIM ALL HIM! If he had never used the stove….Loki would be here. It should have been him to die in the fire, it should have been him to die when he came three and a half months too early. He should be punished, not only for KILLING Eva, but for looking like her too. _

No. Next time, when Jo comes for him next, he will not think that. He will never think that again. Next time he rushes in to see his son, he will wear a smile, and bear open arms ready to hug the son that he always loved. Ready to be a dad. No matter how many years it would take, that's what he would do. He placed the gun back into the glove compartment.

"Well there you have it Eva, I haven't killed Mihael or myself. I love you dear, I will make things right."

He turned around and began the excruciatingly long drive back to Moscow.


	28. Chapter 28

Things didn't go as he planned. He took one step into the small apartment and everything instantly came back. How Eva would be painting, Loki would be looking alongside trying to learn, it was like he was back, back when he was a part of a happy family.

_Eva was four months pregnant. She was in her studio teaching her seven year old son the effect certain stokes have on the painting. Jo came in and smiled at them both. He walked over to Eva and wrapped his arms around her waist. He ran his hands over her slightly larger stomach and kissed her on the cheek. _

_"I'm home" he whispered, the smile growing across his face as he felt his baby give a small kick. _

_He could feel Eva's smile grow, and for a moment, it seemed like it was just the two of them. Then Loki turned around with his dark hair and green eyes, his great toothy grin spreading even bigger. _

_"DADDY!" He came running towards him and clung to his leg. Jo smoothed the dark hair on his sons head, just before running his fingers through his own black hair. Loki was his son, and no one could doubt that, they looked so alike. However Loki was more clam than Jo was, more calm and understanding, and definitely more talented. Jo wondered what the new baby would be like. They had chosen a few names Vera if it's a girl, and they were debating between two names incase they were to have a nother boy. Fyodor, which was Jo's granddad, or Mihael. Jo liked Fyodor, but Eva like Mihael. The baby would be born sometime in March, Eva was planning to re-paint the nursery, so that the new child would feel just as special as Loki did. _

Little did they know that the baby would be early. Little did he know that in one and a half months he would say goodbye to the only woman he ever loved. And it was all because of Mihael. Different memories now began to pour into his head. He tried to kill Mihael, in this very room, just a week before. He had shoved him in the water, held him there. He was going to kill that little bastard, and then he heard Eva screaming at him. And so he pulled Mihael out, without much time to think he told the boy to pack his things. Mihael looked confused, so he grabbed him by the wrist and began to throw things into a small bag. A few t-shirts, some pants, a sock, and a flashlight. He threw the boy in the car. The walls of this apartment were filled with bad memories, with his arms up against the wall he could find himself no longer capable of standing, weighted with all the guilt and pain, he collapsed to his knees and began to cry. He didn't know how to stop feeling this way, but he had an idea. The vodka, a strong reminder of how HE had single headedly torn his family apart, was in the kitchen, probably only half empty, but there would be more bottles. He stumbled into the kitchen and drank. But rather than letting the memories float away with each sip of the burning liquid, the memories began to hit.

_Loki stumbled in late. He smelled of smoke and was carrying an empty bottle of vodka. Jo lay on the couch, having not noticed the actions of his 11 year old son over the past few months. _

_"The kid want's dinner, how was school?" Jo offered his best smile to his son, Loki answered his father with a drunk,_

_"Fuck you dad."_

_Jo heard a clumsy clatter of pots and pans that he knew was Loki making dinner. Mihael came in, still in tears from the recent….incident. _

_"Dad, is Loki here?"_

_"Of course he is, stupid boy, you know what the clatter means." He gave Mihael a threatening glare and he toddled off to the kitchen. _

_"Loki, can you reach me a glass of water please?" _

_Was that kid seriously still thirsty? He had asked for water over five hours ago, so Jo filled a glass with boiling water. When Mihael dropped the glass he made him pick up the pieces and mop the floor, then he started bleeding, so he had to clean that up too. _

_"Yeah sure kid, here you go." Loki's words were still slurred, but were kinder now. Jo took a swig out of bottle 4 of the evening. Most nights he would go to Isaac's bar, but today he had to stay late because of stupid Mihael. He took yet another sip and let the fire burn his throat. _

Jo copied those acrions, taking a sip, wincing at the burn, and then another shot, another sip, another swig until the bottle was empty. He cried and drank until the end of the night.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Note: I'm still not sure where I'm heading with this. But here's one more Joseph Keehl chapter. It may be some time before you hear from me, because I dont know how I want the events to unfold. I'm full of as many questions as you are. Please read and reveiw, and I hope to come back again soon.**

* * *

It was a slow recovery, and most times it seemed hopeless. But five years later and he felt ready. But he needed help, and no one would give it to him without an explanation. He had just come back from telling the market about it. All he got was a few hating looks and a punch in the face from his old best friend. He didn't expect much, he didn't deserve much, but he needed the help. He needed to have his son back, Mihael. He sent a letter to the orphanage once every Christmas, every birthday of Mihael's as well, sometimes he sent others, but not often. The first time, he expected a reply back, maybe not from Mihael, but from someone who would know how he was. But instead he got a letter that said "Please stop sending letters." It was signed by the young man who ran the orphanage, L or something silly like that.

* * *

Today. Today was the day that he would call 'L' about getting his son back. He was so excited and he could wait. He woke up for the first time smiling and didn't stop.

Until he heard that he could not have his son back.

He worked so hard. He had done all the right things, it took him two years to learn English, and five years to fix himself, and now this? Now he can't have his own son back? Most of him knew that it was because he had fucked up earlier, because he hit Mihael so many times.

Why should he deserve a second chance, I mean, really?

So he stood up and took the car keys off the rack.

"I'm leaving" he said to no one as he drove off for a full night ar Isaac's bar.


	30. Chapter 30

**Authors Note: I'm still not fully sure where this is headed. I really don't. I did this capter as a check-in back home but now I mean it...it really may be a while before I post again, hopefully not long, but at least a week I imagine. **

* * *

You know when you find out something about someone, and then suddenly everything makes sense? Well that's what the last few weeks have been like for me, the weeks following learning about Mello. And now things make more sense than ever. For one, his over protective self, I've spent years watching him work out, and even though he no longer needs to be that strong, he still does, and beyond that, it takes very little to offend him. Another one that has made more sense is his need to be first, he wasn't looking for acceptance from L, he was looking for acceptance from his dad, however silly it may be after being left behind. He wanted his dad to want him, and to do that he had to be first, in his mind anyways his over protective self, I've spent years watching him work out, and even though he no longer needs to be that strong, he still does, and beyond that, it takes very little to offend him.

My approval isn't enough. L's approval isn't enough, not BB's, not Roger's, not even every kid at Wammy's. Hell when I really think about it, beating Near never could be enough. He actually needs to have his dad approve of him. I'm desperately trying to find another way, because how do you find a man who gave up their son 16 years ago, and say 'hey, my boyfriend, your son, is super depressed and has only ever been seeking your approval, so uhh why don't you come and approve of him now?'

It's strange too, because it's not like he's suicidal anymore. He's not depressed anymore, in fact, he's completely back to normal. The only difference is now I know that he's not happy. I know that even though he's back to his violent, sarcastic, snarky ways, that he isn't happy. I just want him to be actually happy, I want him to smile, a real smile, and look like he would never want to be anywhere else or anyone else. I love him and if I can't make him happy, how can I be happy? It's not like I wouldn't go to Russia, break down Mr. Keehl's door, and drag him by his shirt back to England, it's just that I don't think Mello wants me to. I've asked him and he just rolled his eyes.

Koopa is snuggled into one side of me. He's snoring. Mello is on the other side of me. Watching me play video games like he used to do when all his studying was done and there were no new books to read.  
In his fucking leather, acting as he always did.

"Why do you waste your time playing video games?"

"It's fun to do. I like them." I'm used to the question by now. I wonder why he's not used to the answer.

"Can I try?" He catches me off guard. Never has he ever asked me to let him play. I will not let this opportunity fall. So I pick up the second controller and log him in as player two. We start with little big planet.

He keeps dying, not the best at controlling his sack which he has so cleverly named 'sack'. And he keeps cursing at the screen, but I think he's actually having a good time. I try and go easy on him, but he's actually just really bad at video games. I mean I can think while playing…and still beat him. I'm thinking now about how to get him actually happy again. I could always ask L for any records he's got. I was one of L's favourites, because I was calm cool, collected, and intelligent, or something like that. Maybe if I brought him cake, and asked really nicely…


	31. Chapter 31

**Mello's POV: **I've always been fond of my early morning walks. It's five in the morning and, you guessed it, I'm walking. It's nice to be alone for a bit and just take in the world. Reflect, think about what I want to think about without having anything to stop me. I used to walk alone, but since we adopted Koopa, he's been joining me. He doesn't bother me, he doesn't make noise, so really it's no problem to take him in the car, drive to the park, and then walk a little. Besides, not like Matt's going to take him for a long walk anyways. It's kind of chilly today, so I have even less a chance of running into someone than usual.

So then why off in the distance is there another early morning walker, taking in the crisp January weather? I can't clearly see anything about this person, other than he is clearly male. Large build, but still too far away to see much else. I hate people. I knew I should have chosen today to walk in the back woods rather than the public park. Hopefully this man is as concerned about the situation as I am, and will not say a word.

As he gets closer I notice many things about him that are similar somehow. He has dark hair and what appear like green eyes. He looks familiar, someone from a long time ago, almost like Loki, or maybe my father.

Now that I'm thinking, he looks exactly like my father, only a little more worn and grey. Surely it couldn't be him. He would never come to Winchester.

As we pass he mutters a quick "Hello" and I hear that he has a thick, undeniable, Russian accent.

I'm acting irrationally; no way could he be my father. So many Russians look like him, I think. I nod my head, and continue on my way, but he speaks again.

"You look like someone I may know." Shit.

"I'm sorry sir, but surely you're confusing me for someone else."

"You're probably right. I'm looking for my son."

"Haven't you been in contact with him?"

"No, but, I wish I had been."

"Well you should find him soon."

"I do notwant to ask too much of you, but would you know a young man named Mihael?"

I pause for a second, not sure what to say. Here is the man who has hit me a dozen times over, made me feel worthless, un-wanted, un- living, he's looking for me! Does he actually care? No, no I don't know anyone named Mihael.

"I'm sorry but no. I hope you find him" or maybe I don't.

"Okay, well thank you, good day." He says sounding dejected, turning on his heels and walking away. Part of me wants to run back to him. I mean, I always loved him. But I don't know if I can take it right now.

I keep walking straight, I don't know what to feel.

**Jo's POV: **So far in Winchester, I am having no luck. Is it possible that Mihael has gone further than England? I don't know. I've been here for two weeks now. Perhaps I'm too focused, Eva used to say that my only vice is that I would work too hard, and then miss obvious things. She used to take me on walks in the early morning, when Loki was still asleep, it used to help. I pretend now that she is here, and I leave, it's 5 in the morning, and I go for a walk. I'm looking down for a while when I see a small dog attached to a leash, I look up and see…Eva?

No. Eva's dead. It's a man, perhaps 18 years old. Hmm, he looks like Eva, and also Mihael.

We exchange conversation, and he says that he does not know anyone named Mihael. Perhaps Mihael has moved away, perhaps, I've lost my son. Perhaps that was Mihael, and he does not want to see me, though I find it very unlikely, even though he looks almost like Mihael did when he was three.


	32. Chapter 32

Mello and I are walking through the woods. It's really beautiful out by his house. We're holding hands and we walk a little longer. Then he kisses me, and I kiss him back. The sun is setting, and the soft ripples in the lake make noises, the sky turns orange and pink as we embrace, not breaking our tender kiss.

But now the door slams and I am forced awake from that beautiful dream. The tags on Koopa's collar jingle together and he runs into my room. I blink my eyes a few times, and try and go back to sleep. Mello's door slams and now I know that any chance of sleep is lost.

I don't think he's crying. I don't hear sobs. He's yelling though, and smashing things, well I think he is, I don't really know.

"Mells?" I knock lightly on the door.

"MATT GET THE HELL OUT!" okay, so he's angry.

"Mello." I open the door just a crack, and peek in just in time to see a vase soaring in my direction. I dodge it, but it shatters and somehow a large piece of glass flies into my hand. I don't make a sound. I close the door and head to the bathroom to take care of my bleeding hand. It hurts, a lot. And maybe I'll let Mello see later, but right now, that wouldn't be safe for either of us. I wrap the wound in a bandage and head back over to Mello's room, if for no other purpose, to wait until the smashing stops.

Five minutes later and the smashing and punching has dissolved into heavy sobs, then it picks up again, smashing, sobbing, punching.

I wonder what's wrong with him, what happened, what can I do to make him not so angry. Usually I have to wait until he simmers down, and then he gets to be okay. The shattering stops, so does the punching, probably because there's nothing left to break. I take another chance and open the door, wider this time, and step in. As one could imagine, the room is destroyed. Literally everything is broken. Mello's lying face down on his bed, lopsided by the newly broken frame. I cautiously walk through the rubble of broken glass, ceramic, and drywall and sit next to him, the bed threatens to break when more weight is added, but it stays solid. He sighs, and I start stoking his hair.

"Mello, what's wrong?"

"Nothing" he mumbles. I laugh I bit in my head, and a small chuckle escapes my mouth.

"You did all this because nothing happened? C'mon Mello."

He sits up and looks at me, he looks angry and confused.

"M-my dad," He looks down at the floor and lets out a heavy sigh, "My dad's here looking for me. Or at least someone who looks exactly like him looking for his lost son Mihael." His voice is nearly shut completely off and he looks down again. I wrap an arm around his shoulders. This is good, right? I mean, he needs to have his dad tell him that nothing was his fault, and really why else would he be here?

"Mells, how do you know?"

"I passed him in the park, we talked. He said I looked familiar, like his son. His son named Mihael." He lets a few sobs go into my neck and I sit there, soothing him.

"So now what?"

"What?" he shoots up, looking more confused, "What do you mean 'so now what' ?"

"I mean, this is obviously bothering you and you're not going to let it slide, so now what do you want to do."

"OF COURSE IT'S BOTHERING ME! He left me, he didn't want me anymore, he has no fucking right to be looking for me now! Where was he when I was eight and needed a dad to protect me? Or when I needed him when I was thirteen? HE WAS IN FUCKING RUSSIA! Probably still drinking over his lost love. And now he's here? Wanting to be my dad? After all these years? THAT BITCH!" it looks like he's going to punch something, so I sit up and walk away while he punches another hole in the bedframe. I totally thought he was going to hit me. He would have if we were twelve, and he's already indirectly sliced my hand open. He looks up at me, hurt by my action.

"Why'd you move?"

"You can be violent sometimes, if we were younger you would've"

"Matt, I didn't know I loved you then. I'm mad but I'd never mean to hurt you" He passes it off and goes off on thinking.

"So what do you want to do about it?" I ask, sitting next to him on the bed.

"Matt, I don't know, just leave me to think, okay?"

So I get up and leave.


	33. Chapter 33

It's been a few days, and he hasn't left his room. I bring him food and we talk but he refuses to go outside, his reasoning is always 'what if he's there?' or 'I still don't know what to do'. I've had enough of it, and there's nothing I can do to help him here. So I'm on my way to do some investigator stuff… that IS what Wammy kids are trained for. I'm pulling in to the all too familiar driveway of Wammy's right now, with a strawberry cheesecake in the backseat, along with a large packet of black tea, a dozen boxes of sugar cubes and half a dozen lollipops. Hopefully L will agree to provide me with enough information so that I can either find Mello's dad or ask him upfront what he wants, or to make a very educated guess. If not maybe the cheesecake, tea, sugar cubes, and lollipops will help.

"L? Hey it's me. I have a few questions." I say knocking on the door to L's office. "L come on, open up!"

The door opens slowly and L walks out, his similar posture(slouched) with his hands in his pockets. It's almost strange seeing him; I've visited Wammy's since getting out, but never have I ran into him. He gives the smallest hint of a smile and waves me in. We say no words to each other as I take the chair across from his, he crouches into the seat of the other.

"So, what brings you here to visit?" He asks, his tiered eyes seemingly uninterested.

"Uh well, I have a few questions." I clear my throat and gain my breath, right before L takes it away.

"You're worried because Mello's birthfather is here, and that's bothering him, so you want to deal with it because you know he won't"

How does he know everything? "Uh, yeah, how did you-?"

"Don't be so surprised, his father came here several days ago, as for the rest I assume that he must have met with Mello, unaware that it was him, which, given Mello's character, would confuse and frustrate him, so he would refuse to take care of things."

"Y-yeah. So I was wondering… I guess if you could tell me anything that would be useful to this situation?"

"What is there to know. You have learned the circumstances under which Mello was left here, and now you know that Mr. Keehl is looking for his son."

"I mean, you know, in between stuff, like I don't know, something he might've said when he gave Mello up, or something."

"He said he wanted me to tell him sorry, I told him that I could not do that. He continued to send letters for years." He smiles a knowing smile, "That's the kind of information you're looking for, yes?"

I nod, perhaps showing myself a little too eager. "Yeah, no, that's perfect, do you have them here?"

"Yes, I've kept them on file, they… interested me. I used to look over them, wondering if I made the right decision." He smiles at me again, "Another piece of information, he tried to adopt Mello when he was ten. I said no."

He then stands up and reaches behind some old books. He pulls out a stack, of maybe, 30 or 40 letters, all had been opened.

"I read them, as they were addressed to the orphanage. But I suggest you give these to Mello without any knowledge of their contents. Some are just simple 'Happy Birthdays' others are things that one would choose to keep to themselves."

I take the stack, "Thanks for the help L. I mean it, thanks" I turn to the door and start heading out, L catches me in the last second and says,

"Don't feel like you need a reason to come talk to me."


	34. Chapter 34

I come in through the door, Mello says nothing. Koopa proves to be a little more affectionate, running up and jumping on my leg.

"Mells, I got you something." No answer.

"Mello come on. I have presents!" Nothing.

I walk into his room and he's not there. Fuck, where is he- oh a note!

'Matty, went for a walk. Sorry I didn't take Koopa this time. I'm in the park though. You can come find me, if you want. I don't know. Anyways, love you. '

Looks like I'm going to the park now, I really wish he would stay in one place.

**Mello's POV: **I could lie and say that I went for a walk so that I could get some nice, clean and fresh air, but considering how I don't like to lie to myself, I might as well say it. I want to find my dad. After seeing him two days ago, it's just made things….complicated? I don't know. I hope he's here again. It's mid-day, a lot later than last time, and I know that my chances of seeing him here are slim, slim to none. However, I'm here, looking for him.

I give the larger part of two hours searching for him. Then I remember the small chocolate shop that L took me to once, well not just me, he took me and Near, his two best students. It was good, and not far from here, so I start walking in the direction of Parker's Chocolate shop.

Once there I look over the truffles carefully, trying to choose which ones I would like to have today. Nougat filled, about five of those, maybe one with caramel. NO not the coffee ones, those taste like coffee, well I mean I guess they kind of have to. Chocolate filled chocolate, one of my favourites, six of those, and three almond ones for Matt.

I take my collection and sit down at a table. There are some things that you should wait for. Chocolate is not one of them. I'm halfway through my nougat ones when I hear a deep Russian accent.

"Seven milk chocolate swirls please." I recognise that voice from the park, same voice as my father, shit. Shit shit shit. I didn't think I'd actually find him! Why did I even come here in the first place? Wait…I came to the park to find him, but I wasn't actually expecting to. I hate being unprepared.

He sits down too, not eating his chocolate. Okay, I just need to…take him somewhere where I can talk to him. I know his name is Joseph Keehl. If I ask him to come with me, will he? He must remember me; I don't look like other people, so I could tell him that I do know his son. I don't know how this happened but now I'm standing behind him, my breathing won't settle.

"Sir would you take a walk with me?"

He looks up. "Why should I do that?"

"I met you a few days ago in the park, I think I do know your son." I'm surprised that my voice doesn't break.

"You know Mihael?! Yes! I will come with you!"

We're now in a relatively secluded part of the park, some people walk by, but none stop to look.

"Joseph Keehl." I say looking at him as though he were a complete stranger.

"You know my name? How?" He asks.

"I-it's me. Mihael."

I look up to see his face and all I see is big, wide eyes. His mouth hangs open a bit. Then he closes his mouth and blinks rapidly. "M-Mihael? I knew it was you, I knew it!" He starts to smile, I stand there arms folded.

"Why are you here?" I feel like I'm going to cry, but I can't. Not here, not now.

"I've come to see you. I have things to tell you."

"What? That I messed up our family? That I should be dead? Well thanks, but I got the message last time."

"Mihael no, you don't understand, it's different now, it's"-

"Why now? Why are you here now?"

"I"-

"Why not when I was a kid? When I needed someone?"

"I tried you don't understand I came here to"-

"To what?! Do you expect me to forgive you? Is that what it is? What?"

"I'm sorry Mihael, everything I said was untrue."

"THEN WHY DID YOU SAY THEM!?" I'm yelling now, my voice is breaking, and my eyes are welling up.

"I was angry, it was wrong of me to say, and everything I did was wrong of me to do, I always loved you."

"Great way of showing it! Nothing says 'a father's love' like a good drowning."

"Mihael, I never wanted to hurt you, I don't know why I ever did."

"But you did! And then you gave me away! Why are you back? You didn't want me anymore!"

"That's not true, I tried to adopt you, you would have been ten! I had cleaned up my act just so I could have you back!"

I stop. My brain doesn't work. "WHY ARE YOU HERE!?" he still hasn't answered that.

"I just wanted to know if you are okay, if you are happy, well, I wanted to know that you are alive. Tell me Mihael, are you happy?"

"Not since you left me at Wammy's! Not since birth! But just recently, no thanks to you, I've become, alright."

"That is all I wanted to know, I want to know you are happy. Maybe I may even get to know you."

"No. There's no chance of that. That is the most information you will receive. I'll be on my way now. Goodbye"

I start walking, or more, running away, trying to stay standing as the sobs take over my body.

**Matt's POV:** I heard him yelling at someone, yelling about bad things, so, being a genius, I deduced that he was yelling at his father, He just ran off towards the path that I'm walking on, I don't know if he will be able to stand much longer so I rush over to him and hug him real close.

"Hey Mells it's me. I saw the whole thing. Come on, let's go home."

He nods into me and I guide him to the car. He cries a bit on the way home.

He's in his room now. I'm letting him sort it out. Maybe tomorrow I can show him the letters, the only thing is, if after reading them he decides to talk to his dad again, I don't want it to be too late.

I walk in his room and find him asleep, but shaking, having a bad dream. So I scoop him up and carry him into my room and hold him on my bed.

Slowly I start to fall asleep, hoping my dreams can have him in them.

* * *

**Author's Note: hope you like it :) please reveiw, i like to know people are still interested. **


	35. Chapter 35

For once, I'm awake before him. I watch his sleeping figure as it takes in deep breaths. I wonder what he's dreaming about or if he even is dreaming. I brush the hair out of his face and pull him into yet another long cuddle.

He wakes up, looks around, and then sheepishly turns to me. "Thanks for taking me here"

"No problem, you were having a quiet nightmare, and I don't think that your bed can hold both of us."

He chuckles "You're probably right. So you said you saw the whole thing?"

"Yes, and I have something for you too. I went to talk to L about the issue, so that you could make up your mind. I gathered some useful information. He also gave me something that you might be interested in."

"Something from L?! What is it?"

"Here, I'll be right back." I walk into the kitchen and retrieve the pile of letters. When I come back Mello is sitting up, waiting for me. I hand them to Mello, who takes them and looks over them.

"He said that your dad wrote letters, he's read them, but I haven't. I won't, but if you want me here while you read them I'll sit next to you and not look."

He glances over the pile, he's scared. I place my hand on his forearm and look at him for reassurance. "Like I said Mells if you want me to be here when you read, I promise not to look."

He looks up at me with his blue eyes, wide and a little embarrassed "Stay with me?"

I nod "Of course." I sit next to him and wrap an arm around his shoulder, the curiosity is killing me, but I promised I wouldn't read the letters. So I just wait for his reactions.

He opens the first letter, or more, pulls it out of the already torn envelope. He stares at the folded piece of paper for a while before finally opening it up and reading it.

His emotions for the next half hour are hard to read, he goes between crying and smiling. When he's done with the last letter he looks up at me.

"I think I want to talk to him again. But, I don't know if I can go by myself."

"I'll come with you if that's what you want."

He nods and gets dressed. "Come on, let's go tracking." I get dressed also and follow him out the door.


	36. Chapter 36

We're on a wild goose chase, well less of a wild goose chase than earlier. Mello wasn't thinking clearly and said we should just go really fast and look everywhere, he can be so dumb when his mind is clouded, then again, can't we all? Anyways, he finally started thinking straight and suggested we look into as many files of Joseph Keehl as we can on the computer. And by 'we' he meant me. I took an extra hacking course at Wammy's, so as far as computers go I am superior. I've found the hotel he's staying at, and that he's scheduled to leave in two days. I've hacked in to the securety cameras at Wammys to find that he's gone to visit L twice. Mello and I agree that the chances of him going far past the touristy area where the hotel is are slim, seeing how he has found what he was looking for. Mello thinks that he will not likely go more than 3 blocks from room 712, his room. It's strange but I've never thought that anything we learned at Wammy's would be useful to someone like me, who has no ambitions of becoming a detective, the only class I liked was hacking, but now here I can see that some of the other ones are useful too, ones like Intense Psychology , Motives, and Reactions.

"Mello, we've got what we need to know. Can't we just go find him now?"

"Yeah, uhm, maybe we should check security cams of the stores in the area, to see which ones he visits most."

"You're trying to stall, aren't you?" I get out of my chair and cross the room. "Mello, if you don't want to do this"-

"I do! I just, I don't know." I place my hand on his shoulder and kiss the top of his head.

"C'mon, then, lets go."

"Okay."

We get into the elevator at the Winchester Inn. Creative name, I know. I wrap my arm around his waist and press floor 7.

"Matt, could you… do some talking. Oh and make it obvious that you're my boyfriend, if I remember he's a little homophobic, if he's serious about wanting me back he's going to have to put up with this."

"Talk about what? Mello, this problem is between you two, I'm just here for support."

"At least say that you gave me the letters he sent."

"Fine, but really Mello, I mean it, I'm only here fo"-

"I know I know, to give support or something girly like that."

"You asked for it!"

"I guess I did"

Then the elevator *dings* and we're at floor seven.

Though he stalled at home, Mello walks right past me and through the open doors, not stopping to look at the sings pointing him whichever way, but going the right way none the less. I run a bit to catch up to him. I wonder what he's feeling. Excitement? Fear? Or maybe he doesn't know yet? He stops. Standing still and horrifies as I look over three numbers, 7-1-2. I give him a little nugde, and a look that says 'you sure you want to do this?' he holds up his hand to knock, but lowers it. He wants it, but cant. Sigh, I knock on the door and wrap my arm once again around his waist.

The door is unlocked and opened, I assume it's Mello's father, because they immediately lock onto each other's figure. Mello wiggles a little bit, and nudges me to say I should speak.

"Uhm, Mr. Keehl, I'm your sons boyfriend, Matt." He nudges me hard and looks up at me telling me with his eyes that 'that's not what I meant by make it obvious.' I clear my throat.

"A few days ago I went to go see L, because Mello was bothered by the situation, he gave me some letters, letters from you." I make no eye contact, but rather keep staring at the floor, "He says he's changed his mind a bit."

"Mello?" asks Mr. Keehl.

"Yeah, I changed my name, we all did. I'm Mello now."

"I see, and your…boyfriend, I take it that he is what has 'made you alright'?"

"Yes."

"This is a lot of new information already."

"If you're serious about wanting to know me, here it is, I'm gay. Walk out now if you hate me again already."

"Mihae-Mello. It is weird for me, I do not like it. But, I have spent so long, only wishing that you are happy, so I suppose I will learn to deal with it." He then gives me a threatening look, Mello doesn't see it.

"Really? Wow, looks like you have changed." Says Mello a little harsh and hurtfully.

"I tried anyways. It took time, I told the whole town what I did, and then asked for help."

"And they still helped you?" Okay I'm with Mello on this one.

"It took some time, but, yes."

"Listen, I leave soon, can we, see each other some time? I want to know all about the last 16 years of your life."

"We're talking now."

"No I meant without him." Ouch, hurtful, okay not really.

"When and where?"

"The park, tomorrow? By the lake?"

"Sure. I'll be there at seven"

Then he closes the door. Mello looks at me, I can't read his face. "That went…better than I thought"

"Yeah, want to go out for dinner?" He nods, "Chinese good?"

"Sure."


	37. Chapter 37

**Author's Note: Hey sorry it's been so long...and sorry that the ending kinda sucks. I'm not great at endings...but it's about time for this story to be finishsed. **

* * *

I'm waiting for Mello to come home now. I saw him off at 6, and since then I've spent the whole day waiting. I hope everything went fine, because if it did, this could be a big change for him. For both of us. Koopa kept me company all day, we played catch and snuggled up to me playing Mario. Now that it's four thirty I assume Mello should be back, he's taking a long time, which I suppose is a good thing.

"Hey Matt. I'm back!"

I rush up and give him a hug. "Hey Mells, how was it?" He looks down at me and I can see he's really smiling. A real smile.

"Fine. It went fine" he holds his smile while walking to the kitchen to get a chocolate bar. He comes back, sits down, and turns on the T.V.

We spend the rest of the evening watching T.V and snuggling. He doesn't say anything about the meeting, what they talked about, or what he found out. But to be honest I don't even care. As long as I get to see that gorgeous smile, I'm happy.

* * *

I'm waking up from a beautiful dream, but feeling an empty space in my arms where I was once holding a gorgeous blond boy. In his place, a note.

_Hey Matty. I've got a little more work to do, I hope to be home later. Love you. P.S, we're out of chocolate. _

I let out a sigh. I thought he was done with leaving before I wake up and coming back after I'm asleep. Hopefully he's trying to find a new job, one that risks his life a little less.

_Knock knock knock. BARK BARK! _I let out a groan. Who in their right mind would be coming to the door at the ungodly hour of…3:30 in the afternoon? Maybe Mello ordered a pizza for me?! I pull on some pants as fast as I can and then run to the door. I open it, to only find Joseph Keehl standing in the door. His face drops as soon as he sees my face. Nice to know your boyfriends dad hates you.

"Oh, it's you. Is Mih-Mello home?" He askes, trying to be polite, but failing.

"No he left for work." I reply, just as bitter.

"When will he be home again?"

"I don't know." I start to close the door, but he stops it in his hand.

"I intend to wait here until my son comes back. A polite young man might invite me inside."

I grid my teeth, "I'm sorry. My mistake, would you like to come in?"

"Yes, I would like to see where my son is living. I assume HE bought this place? Can't suppose you'd have a job, looking like you do."

I tighten my grip on the handle, "Actually, the man who doubles as Mello's FATHER, it's his place. He gave it to him."

Jo steppes in and we tour the house.

As soon as he see's Mello's room his jaw drops. "How could my son date someone with such anger management-!"

"This is his room." I say bluntly, looking over the still destroyed room. "So, what have you learned about your son from yesterday?"

Jo shifts uncomfortably. "He talked about trying to beat a boy named Near. And how he could never do it until you told him to stop studying too much. He told me that he's gay, and has been in love with you for a long time. He told me about trying to learn how to become the next detective-."

"So basically he fluffed it up for you?" I ask, trying to dig into him.

"I, I don't, know. I never reall-."

"No, you don't know. You hurt him so bad, he used to stress himself out from studying too much, there would be times when he wouldn't sleep for days. Our teacher when we were eight molested him. He was angry all the time at anyone who was better than him. I seem to remember him telling me about how much you loved your son Loki? All he wanted was for you to love him. Instead you beat him, drove him away, and left him at an orphanage." I feel bad for spilling all of Mello's secrets, I didn't mean to say them just then. "And now you're here again. And you love him, but you're not okay with him being happy with me. It all just seems a little two faced"

Jo looked down and sighed. "You are right. It is my biggest regret in life. I am happy that he has found love, I just. It's a new thing to me."

"So what? Don't be rude to me. I didn't make him gay, he was born gay. I was there when you weren't. Me and BB, always. Infact you should thank me for making him happy." I regret that a little…after all its Mello who makes me happy.

"Again you are right. I should send you my blessing. For taking care of Mihael when I could not. And now again for making him happy." Jo admitted, defeated.

"Look, I didn't mean that last part, he makes me happy. In some fucked up way I should thank you for even bringing him into this world. Just… you hurt him real bad."

"I know. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused him. I hate myself for how I acted after losing Eva. I could have been a good father, but instead I chose the vodka."

"Yes. You did screw up. He's a damn amazing person and you screwed his whole life over. If you weren't the only person that could fix it, I'd probably kill you for hurting him."

"He always has been beautiful. You care very much then, about my son, I assume?" Jo asks, looking up.

"Yes. I always have."

"That is all I could have asked for. You have my blessing, Matt." He places a hand on either one of my shoulders and nods. "I must go, the taxi should be here in a minute or so, I came to say one last goodbye to Mihael. Tell him I stopped by?"

"Sure thing."

* * *

**Yeah, sorry about that...starting a new story too, check it out soon, if you'd like. **


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